Alex in Spankingland

My poor, poor blog. I'm so sorry.

I've been quite a busy girl! Often, being busy doesn't influence my ability to get blogging done, though: I just sit down and write a post once I finish with whatever it is that I've been working on. Recently, I've had a combination of being busy and being exhausted. I finish my work for the day, come home from my adventures and then basically faceplant myself into bed. I'm finally a bit more caught up on sleep at the moment, though. Hooray!

I'm currently in the middle of a whirlwind of adventures again. This is the way that I tend to do things: I'll travel straight for a number of weeks, going from place to place instead of flying back home again in between. It's cheaper and more efficient, but it obviously has a few downsides: the busy nature of each stop often leads to a tired version of Alex without any days to snuggle in my warm, quiet, South Dakotan bed in between sites, and the obvious disadvantage of not seeing Malignus for many weeks at a time. Still, we make do: we talk when we can, and we both have confidence in the fact that the other is doing a good job to take care of his or herself when we can't.

Now, I shall begin to tell you the tales of my adventures.
On Sunday night, I was packed and prepared to leave early on Monday morning. It takes an epic amount of luggage to prepare for six weeks of shooting, especially given the variety of shoots that I will be having during my adventures, AND the fact that I'll be spending a weekend on a spanking holiday during the trip.

Much to carry!

On Sunday night Malignus and I stayed up late to make the most of the time we had before I needed to leave. When we finally decided that we were tired, he sat down on the edge of the bed and called me over. "I'm going to give you a quick spanking because I love you, and because you belong here," he told me. I melted a little at this, and crawled over his lap. He spanked me with his hand, as he'd been doing for the past few days. There was quite a bit of thigh spanking, but none of it was too hard. I just felt cozy and safe and very loved. After we finished, I snuggled against his chest and fell asleep.

All too soon, it was time to get up and go to the airport. When I got out of the car, it was -9 degrees out. In a few hours, I was in LA where the temperature was 61 degrees. When they announced that, I nearly cried. The winter had been taking a toll on me, and I was overwhelmed with happiness to be outside without a jacket and to not feel cold. Rafa picked me up and we went to get lunch together, where we ate outdoors. The idea of eating outside in February was almost absurd. I was so pleased.

BEST FEBRUARY WEATHER EVER!

My first day in LA was pretty luxurious, but from there, it just got more and more hectic. I was working on a custom project that took a lot of time and dedication, plus I was shooting pretty constantly. I shot every single day, and some days did more than one shoot, even getting three in one day sometimes. That didn't prevent me from getting in my requisite adventures. I spent a lot of time in Little Tokyo when I was free, ate Indian Food with Epipelagic and headed to Knott's Berry Farm with Zekyt (another of Rafa's girlfriends who I love very much!). At the end of each day, I basically felt like I hadn't wasted a minute of it. It's a satisfying feeling, although not a relaxing one. I'd fallen into a kind of overdrive where I did very little sleeping and lots of running around, hopping from place to place.

I did some pretty awesome shoots, including shooting with lots of art photographers, doing several bondage shoots and my first suspension (more on that later) and shooting with Ken Marcus. Lots of these were really excellent experiences.
I realize that this post is shorter than usual, but it was written while I was still in that overdrive kind of state. You can expect a series of shorter but (hopefully) more frequent posts for a bit.
:D
Alex

Time for some more great stories from Los Angeles. :)

On Friday night, once I'd been in LA for about a week, I headed to my friend Sidewinder's house for a party hosted by him and my dear Maddy Marks. The theme was "fuzzy everything" and was clearly designed to be enticing to me. :P People were dressed in lots of fake fur, animal tails, fuzzy leg warmers and cute hats. I had originally planned to wear my Pikachu suit, but I just didn't have room for it in my suitcase, so I brought my smaller and more manageable bunny romper. The party was hosted by the group which I founded when I lived in Los Angeles and which Maddy helped me run until she eventually took it over from me upon my relocation to South Dakota. Therefore, it was a group of likeminded kinksters under the age of 35, and many of them were people that I was close to or fond of.

When I arrived, I discovered that my good friend and fellow spanking model Christy Cutie was there. Maddy, Christy and I got into all sorts of shenanigans throughout the night. This was the first real party that I had been to in a long time. I had a good time dancing, having a few drinks and letting my less frequently seen sexy side out a bit. Of course, I was still being a total dork. I specialized in dancing with my mouth open in a ridiculous face. :D

Christy Cutie and I!

There was a bit of play at this party, and I got to have an awesome scene as a Top with my friend Epipelagic. She's one of my favorite people, but we had never done any kink things together besides hang out at events. She decided that she wanted me to spank her and I was happy to oblige. This girl is seriously adorable and she has an amazing bottom. It's almost too much. She's just too cute! She was a joy to spank: she reacted strongly and wiggled and fought but didn't take it over the top. Afterwards, we had some considerable cuddles. WIN!

I adore Epipelagic!

I wanted to be spanked too, of course! If other people are getting spanked, then I automatically start to be desirous of a spanking as well. Christy gave me one, and it was great. She's gotten very proficient as a Top. She spanked me over her lap and with her hand for a long time. By the time we finished, I'd given her a little blood blister, too.

Getting it from Christy!

At one point, Maddy was getting spanked by her boyfriend on the adjacent sofa and she started to reach over and spank me along with Christy. Zoey Wicks, who was also at the party, got in front of me so I could spank her a bit (although the positioning of this was more challenging) so it was kind of a spanking orgy.

In general, it was refreshing to just party with a bunch of cool, young people. It was especially nice to hang out with two other Sternwood girls off set! We talked a lot about looking forward to shooting Volume 4, and reminisced about how much fun we had the last time we did it.

Sternwood Girls Gone Wild!

I know these past few posts have been shorter and less detailed than usual. It's the price of me being so busy with my trips and adventures. There will be more, longer ones soon, I do promise. :D

I've had so many adventures now that I have to push myself to get the posts out before the memories begin to fade. I'll be doing two kinds of posts while working on this: the "party report" type posts that tell you what happened when and where and at least three "scene stories" that do a more intimate look at a particular spanking and what it meant to me. Stay. Tuned.
That said, I'm currently in Europe, so my posting schedule might be a bit erratic. I'm obviously going to do my best. :)

After many exciting adventures in Los Angeles, including spending a great deal of time with Mila Kohl, I got on my plane and headed for Las Vegas. I've been there twice before: once with Malignus and Heather Green for tourism purposes and once for Shadowlane. When I arrived, Lily Starr and Robert Wolf were kind enough to pick me up and bring me back to the hotel. I was energetic and apprehensive in a positive way. I had a lot of people that I was looking forward to seeing and I had built anticipation for several scenes. There were people I'd be finally getting to play with, friends I hadn't seen in a long time and, of course, YS. You may remember that back in October I reported that I had begun a D/s relationship with him. There have been several times since then when I've talked a little bit here and there about certain aspects of that dynamic. Still, I hadn't actually seen him since we began that, and I was really, really looking forward to that. I kept bouncing around the backseat of the car and talking way too quickly. I also felt physically a bit gross, though. Even though my flight was very short, it had a broken air conditioning system and I was seated next to two middle school age boys: not people known for their excellent personal hygiene. I was looking forward to freshening up.

While we were en route to the hotel, we got a call and were asked to go to Dana Kane's place to pick up Princess Kelley. We did that, and I was happy to get to see Dana, her wonderful husband and their sweet cat, Noodle for a minute. Hugs all around! I am really hoping that I'll get to see Dana at some point next month. She's just one of my favorite people. :)

When we arrived at the hotel, we took all my luggage (as seen in the last post) up to Joe and Ten's suite. I was spending Thursday night with them, and planning on moving in with YS and ellee when they arrived on Friday. Because the room where I was staying was also the party room, I was going to have to see everyone for a moment before I could get showered and changed. We knocked on the door and it was opened... by Richard Windsor.

Now, for those of you who don't know, I'd basically spent the past month or so being a very badly behaved girl towards him over the internet for the purpose of funsies. The whole thing will require at least one post of it's own, but it's the stuff of legend, in my humble opinion. There will be poems and songs for generations. :P

Anticipation building via twitter earlier that day

Over the last couple of days leading up to the party my "being bad is fun!" bubble had popped and I was very contrite and apprehensive towards the chastisement that I knew I'd be receiving, and I felt rather shy around Mr. Windsor when I first arrived. We had about five seconds of friendly, positive interaction, yet it gave me a whole new case of butterflies. I then ran around the room saying hi to everyone. I was pleasantly surprised to see Whooperine there. I had no idea that he was coming, and it was the best news ever. I basically catapulted into his arms and gave him a kiss. At this point, though I had reached a state of sweaty mania and I was running from person to person, hugging and bouncing and being overly energetic and entirely unpresentable looking. My hair was a mess and I had on JEANS (curse the day!) so I gathered up my bathroom stuff and snuck off to get presentable. I intentionally calmed myself down in the shower (doing all the "be here, now" stuff that Malignus has lovingly instilled in me over the years) and felt much better after getting myself cleaned up and put together. I got into a skirt and top and went back to the party. At this point Richard had vacated the room, which I found slightly disappointing as I'd had liked to make sure he didn't think I was running away from him out of fear or something, but basically everyone else was still there. After a little more talking, I had a new goal: I needed to pop the lid off this spanking thing.

I ended up starting my party play for the weekend with Robert. This was a somewhat unusual choice on my part. There are two factors that go into how hard a person spanks me. The first is a combination of that person's preference and ability. This is the Top's side of consent: we can only play as hard as (s)he is able to play and desires to. The second factor is my comfort with that person. The more I know someone, the more comfortable I am with being spanked severely by them. Malignus obviously gets the highest possible score in this system, being both a very mean sadist and one of the loves of my life. Robert is pretty close to the top, though. We've developed a great bond over the years and, to put it bluntly, he's mean as fuck (in a good way). He's one of the people I've played with the hardest, period. So he's not someone that I usually would consider asking to be nice to me. It's almost mean to him! "Here, Robert! I'm going to get over your lap and whimper and squirm as you spank me and I DON'T want you to make it all that hard!" is like telling me "Here, Alex! I'm going to give you this cute bunny and I DON'T want you to cuddle it." The spanking was really nice, though. He clearly restrained himself out of the heart-age. (Note: I am not implying that Robert murderizes every girl he plays with. That's just our relationship). After that, I sat on his lap and snuggled for a while as I talked to him and Lily. I felt really good: happy, content and surrounded by people I love.

Just a few minutes later, I was over Drlectr's lap for another spanking. Drlectr is really special to me, and I love being spanked by him. I adore knowing that he's probably got a grin on his face that he can't stop while he lays into me, and his lap is one of those where I feel the safest and snuggliest. I think that I also abused my snuggling-on-someone's-lap-after-a-spanking privileges after that scene, too.

My last play for the night took place when H, Cali Katerina's husband, decided to catch up with me over this photo:

I stuck this little gem of Christy Cutie, myself and Maddy Marks on Twitter a little while ago with the caption "Sterwood Girls gone wild!" The three of us all shoot for Sternwood Academy, so it seemed like a funny idea since we were all half naked and partying.

"You're a Sternwood Girl!" H reprimanded me, clearly in roleplay mode. "You should know better than to be running off to wild parties! You'll disgrace the institution!"

I was then bent over for a good, firm but not too firm paddling until I confessed the errors of my ways.
Everyone knows that I am a very good girl who does not do ridiculous things at parties, anyway.
Yes, I'm sure that's what the next few posts will prove.
♥

I'm still alive! Safe and sound at Pandora Blake's flat in London. I've had lots and lots of adventures recently, and little time to sit down and write about them. Fortunately for me, Pandora has kind of Topped me into stopping being distracted and getting some writing done. Huzzah!

I left off on my story about the Vegas trip with the end of Thursday night, and I shall continue from there.

On Friday, I woke up in bed with Joe and Ten, which was a really nice feeling. There was a little more morning snuggling and chatting and then we got to work packing up all the things, because we were switching to a different room that day. A hotel bell hop came to help us move stuff, and we had the following conversation.

Him: Are you guys getting married (referring to me and Joe).
Me: (blushing) No!
Him: Haha! She doesn't want to marry you!

Obviously, that was too complex of a situation to explain to a stranger at that moment.

Him: So, what ARE you doing?
Joe: We're just fifty freaky people having a party.

Apparently, later in the day, when others were moving in this same hotel employee asked them if they were some of the "fifty freaks," which gave rise to a new name for our little gathering.

After helping with move in, I had my only working engagement for the weekend, which went swimmingly. When I finished, I started trying to figure out who was where. This was a little difficult because I didn't know where anyone's room was besides Joe and Ten and there was no other central gathering place. It turned out that a lot of my friends were hanging out elsewhere, so I spent a bit of time with Whooperine, and then a bit more with Sophie Grey. Despite the fact that I was having fun, most of my thought process for the day can be summed up this way:

YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight!

My excitement over seeing them was a little excessive, but I think it was justified. I basically believe that ellee and I have to see each other regularly or else we'll both die. Twin-drop can be terminal if not treated quickly enough. The time that we spend together is always beyond pleasant and I love having adventures, appreciating cute things, cuddling and getting spanked with her. We have our serious conversations, too, of course, and since we've known each other she has remained one of my most trusted confidents and a source of very useful advice.

As I mentioned before, YS and I hadn't gotten to see each other at all since we began our D/s dynamic in October. We've had lots of important conversations and found ways to engage that are really fulfilling and gratifying, but I was really looking forward to having propinquity with him. I was also really looking forward to being spanked by him again, especially now that we have our power dynamic. In fact, I hadn't been as excited about being spanked by someone since I was en route for my first ever visit with Malignus all that time ago. I spent a lot of the day alternating between bouncing and looking at the time on my phone.

That evening, everyone gathered in Joe and Ten's new suite, which was just lovely. The facilities were perfect for a group of our size and there were plenty of places available for playing. I got to spend some time chatting with various people who I like, including Lily Starr, Richard Windsor and Erica Scott.

Lily Starr and I in our adorable dresses :)

Now, as I previously mentioned, I had gotten myself into massive amounts of trouble with Richard and I was feeling very nervous about that (in a positive way). I really wanted to be spanked by him before said trouble, though. This was partially to sort of mentally warm up for the caning I'd be getting later that weekend and partially just because I've really liked and admired him for a long time, and that's what I want from Tops who I like and admire. :P

I'm still working on making my interest in being spanked by someone known, especially at a party. In general, I don't like being too bratty. I don't like to be a bad girl. I do know that the whole "I'm constantly good! Look how good I am!" routine gets old pretty quickly. So, I've been trying to find a balance between being humorously bratty with people who I know are comfortable with that without being actually "bad." Some of my early attempts with this didn't actually go the way that I would have liked them to, but that simply meant that more work was needed at finding the balance, not that it was time to give up. I decided to try again.

One piece of banter which has been enjoyable on Fetlife was the idea of "The 43 Minute Rule." This is basically just a bunch of girls teasing Rich because once he posted a new topic to "The Spanking World: Good vs. Bad" but then complained that 43 minutes later, it didn't have any comments on it, so he took it down. This lead to the idea that 43 minutes was the requisite time frame in which one must respond to anything. I'd been kind of abusing this particular banter, but it was funny, and there was something kind of daring about bringing it up again, because this whole situation is what lead to me getting myself into the trouble that I was waiting to be caned for in the first place.

While talking to Rich, I casually said: "You know, we've been at this party for a lot longer than 43 minutes."

"Are you saying that you want a spanking?" he asked. I smiled a little bit shyly.

"Yes," I acknowledged. He then took me over to the couch and put me over his lap. He started spanking me first through my dress, which didn't have too strong of an affect on me, and then through my slip. I was really glad that he noticed that. I like to wear dresses with slips and most people kind of just shove them out of the way along with the dress, but I think that the lifting of the dress and then the slip and then the lowering of the panties can be a really lovely anticipation building mechanism besides giving a kind of nice, retro feeling to a scene. Anyway, the spanking wasn't too hard, but it was really perfect for what it was. He scolded me while spanking me about how much trouble I was going to be in later, and it made my stomach flutter even more. He also let me wear his hat while he spanked me:

Thank you, Richard!

Later that evening, I spent some time talking to both Heather (all references to Heather in this post refer to PTL, Heather Green is not involved in this story) and Mike (spank33) about a roleplaying scene that I was interested in doing. It was mostly between me and Mike, but because he and Heather have a complex and wonderful roleplaying situation already, we decided that ours would sort of set in the same universe as theirs. We talked about what I wanted from it, and what our characters would be. The whole thing was a little bit divergent from my usual spanking scenes in a way that was really refreshing to me. We decided that I would do something to act out and break one of our pre-established rules and that he would then catch me and correct me for it. I discussed with Heather, and she agreed to help me out a bit. I waited a while so it would catch Mike off guard and then I left and went down to the Casino. After a bit, Heather went up to Mike.

"I'm really worried about Alex!" she told him (obviously roleplaying). "She just took off and didn't say where she was going. She's not answering my texts. I think she's gambling!"

Mike and Heather then took off to look for me. I had texted Heather and told her where I was "hiding" so that they could easily find me. Once they had, Heather began to rant about how worried she had been and how irresponsible I was, with Mike directing me upstairs with some quiet but serious sounding scolding (the whole thing was done in a way that was not noticeable or disturbing to vanilla people). Once we got into the elevator, things got a bit more heated and I was basically petulant and entirely non-repentant. When we got back upstairs, he sent Heather to go back to the party but took me to his room for a "serious discussion." My heart was pounding a bit, but I kept trying to play my character as nonchalant and whining. I even did a little foot stomp when he told me to get over his lap, and I insisted that I hadn't done anything wrong and that the rules were unfair and stupid. It wasn't until about halfway through the spanking that I finally let that be broken down and I became repentant and contrite. The scene went really, really well, and we were both happy with it. After we finished, he walked me back to Joe and Ten's room and once we ended roleplay mode, I happily shared the story with Heather.

Although my usual preferences for spanking remain the same, I'm very glad to have added the ability to enjoy roleplaying to my repertoire of enjoyable spanking atmospheres. I like it because it allows for me to connect with someone on an intense level at that particular moment without having to have a deep relationship. It allows me to get things out of my system which wouldn't be appropriate in other scenarios (a great use for all those lines that pop into my head but which I swallow down because the situation is serious). It involves lots of creativity and humor, which are always great. And it's fun. I always enjoy fun.

The evening continued to move on, although at a pace which felt very slow to me due to my excitement. Finally, it was time for us to go pick up ellee and YS from the airport, where the story will continue in my next post. :)

So, I realize that everyone has read about a dozen accounts of the party I'm describing in this series of posts already. For the rest of the narrative I'm going to do my best to focus on the things that were of personal significance to me, not just give a running list of what exciting things happened, which is sort of my impulse in this situation. The stories to be contained are things that I would have written about if they happened in another context, and many of them took place behind closed doors so even others who attended the party will be getting the details for the first time, so I hope I don't bore you too much!

When I left off in my last post, YS and ellee had just arrived and we were about to go pick them up from the airport.
We did just that. Lily, Robert and I got there a little bit earlier than YS and ellee did, though, so we did several "victory laps" around the airport while we waited. We had a nice time of it and just chatted about various things. We all enjoy one and others' company, so it wasn't that bad to wait. Finally, I saw them appear on the curb and I hardly even waited for Robert to stop the car before racing out and hugging them. They were obviously a bit tired from their trip, so I *tried* to tone down my excitement a bit, at least until we got to the hotel. Once we got to Joe and Ten's suite, everyone wanted to see ellee (as they should, for she is brilliant, sweet, clever, a very good girl, funny, loving, adorable and a knock out to look at, and I feel lucky to have such a wonderful girl as a friend) so I tried to sort of hang back and give them a little space. YS was called up to the suite where Beth Eisley and PTL were staying in order to discuss one of Beth's pieces of mischief (and to say hi, of course) so I kind of paired with Sophie again for a bit.

I was having a lot of feels. I'm a bit embarrassed about them, but they were there and they were relevant. I was simultaneously worked up into a sort of manic state from all the excitement, and worrying that I was being too invasive, and above all else, I was feeling insecure. Parties do that to me sometimes. I worry that people don't like me as much as I like them, or that I'm shockingly socially awkward despite my best efforts, or I start comparing myself to my friends and peers negatively. I know that all those feelings are pretty stupid and I've been very well educated in how to choose to feel secure, to acknowledge the bad stuff and focus on the good and get on with enjoying my life (which I did shortly thereafter). At that moment, I was having a moment. Sophie got me back to an even keel, though. She's a very good friend.

I felt a little bit sheepish when YS did come back into the main party room, but his response was exactly what I needed. He found me pretty directly and then told ellee: "I want to spank Alex." I was pretty immediately pacified by this. He lead me off into one of the bedrooms. I think someone else might have been playing on the other bed, but I had mental blinders on and I was aware of no distractions. He sat on the bed and put me over his knee as my heart pounded. Then he gently rubbed my bottom for a little bit as we talked. "This feels so right," he said, and I agreed enthusiastically. We talked about how much time had passed, and how close we'd been able to grow without actually seeing each other. Then he began to spank me.

Sometimes, when I'm emotional, a spanking has to go on for a bit before it brings me to my baseline and from there it can go upwards. Sometimes, when I'm in a really bad way, all it can do is return me to my center. This wasn't like that. I felt immediately relieved of my anxiety, and my worries and my awkwardness and I felt my mood begin to elevate, bringing me into a notably good place.

I knew that this was right. That I belonged there. That, in that moment, in that time and place I belonged to him.

I knew that this was real.

I don't mean that our D/s relationship hadn't been real before he spanked me, but this additional component brought it to a place that felt significantly different (and yes, better) to me. A lot of my most significant D/s interactions with all of my Bosses Of Me have taken place in a long distance setting. Still, there was something wonderfully right about being there with him, being in position over his knee and receiving a spanking from him. I felt safe and secure. My memories of this have a sort of shiny feeling about them, as if my mind has tagged them as positive and warm.

Eventually, he moved me so that I was just lying on the bed and got up. He started to take his belt off. "This is a new belt," he told me. "No one has ever been spanked with it before. I just took the label off upstairs." I felt very special at this news, and I felt a lot of positive apprehension.

While I've previously had mixed feelings about leather implements and I've gone through periods of time where that was an emotional struggle for me (more on that in another post), I've always loved it when YS hit me with a belt. When I first met him, his Fetlife profile image was this:

It is totally normal for me to have saved this photo to my computer. Hush.

When I first started in the scene, I used to think that belt-spanking felt a little bit abusive, and I wasn't at a point where I could kind of delight in that darkness or "own" negative memories. This picture was the first thing that made me question that. It's just... hot. Domly and manly and perfect. He's just got the ideal belting energy for whatever reason. To this day, that photo makes my stomach feel a bit fluttery.

From the first time that we met at the first cabin party, I've wanted YS to spank me with his belt, and he's always been happy to oblige me. This moment was no exception. I hugged a pillow and pushed my bottom up to prepare to receive it. My memory does not perceive the spanking as having been particularly hard, but more as being endorphine-y and enjoyable. At one point, he caught me rather firmly across my sit spot and I opened my mouth to whimper or protest, but the sound which came out instead was "Thank you, Sir."

This is something that Malignus taught me to intentionally say to keep myself focused on submission instead of starting to resist. If I tell myself that I want it, it becomes much easier to take and to take well. In this case, I hadn't even intended to do it. It just came out because it was the right thing to say.
"Spontaneous thanking. I like that," YS said with a smile in his voice. It added to the warm and safe feeling that was dominating my brain at the moment.

I don't remember the scene actually ending. I know that somehow I found myself being cuddled and comforted, and being very pleased with the soreness in my bottom and the fact that YS had put it there.

He told me that I was a sweet girl and stroked my hair a bit, and I responded with a much shyer "Thank you, Sir."

When we came out, ellee was happy and excited on my behalf, bouncing around with compersion. It made me grin. I knew that the rest of the party was going to be wonderful.
♥

edited for gramatical improvement.

Friday night was a very good night. Everyone enjoyed each other's company, and for the first time ever, I got to go to sleep next to ellee and YS. He slept in the middle, and a few times in the night I woke up and turned over to see him sleeping next to me, only to become so excited about this fact that I found it hard to get back to sleep. While this sounds kind of cute when I retell it, it wasn't very practical.

As is usual for me, I woke up feeling slow moving and like it would have been very easy to become cranky. It was like, 9:30 in the morning when ellee and YS got out of bed, and I considered trying to just resist the entire morning thing and just keep lying there. I'm not sure if ellee did what she did next intentionally, having assumed that this would be the case based on her twinly abilities, or just because she wanted to, but she turned to YS and said "I know a certain Alex and ellee who did not get bedtime spankings last night." This was my fault: I had gone to bed earlier than the rest of them which had put a kink in the bedtime spanking routine. YS responded to this the way that any reasonable spanking man would: by giving us wake up spankings instead.

Wake up spankings used to seem like an inhumanly cruel idea to me. When Malignus first suggested them to me as a possibility when I was planning my first visit to his place in South Dakota ages and ages ago, I was originally pretty resistant. If I hate being awake in the morning in the first place, why in the name of Science would I want to find myself getting whacked repeatedly before I had even come to my senses? I agreed to give it a try, though, and found it to be very different than I imagined. See, spankings create adrenaline Adrenaline is the opposite of sleepiness. Spankings also create endorphins. Endorphins are the opposite of grumpiness. I soon discovered that a wake-up spanking was the easiest way for me to transition from sleepytime to the land of the living, and I'm always appreciative when I get them.

YS set ellee and I up side by side and on the bed and spanked us with his hand, giving each of us a few spanks and then moving on to the next adorable, semi-undressed girl that he happened to have in his bed (YS is sometimes referred to as "The Lucky Bastard"). My mood and perkiness improved greatly as the spanking went on, and ellee and I held hands and sort of snuggled while getting spanked as we are known to do. After a bit, YS stopped and went over to some of his luggage.

"What are you doing?" ellee asked.
"I'm looking for some lotion," YS told her.
"Oh, I have that right here!" she volunteered helpfully. YS turned around and approached us with a London Tanner's spanking strop.
"I lied. I wasn't looking for lotion. Lay back down."
(♥ I love that kind of stuff)

We both got back into position and he continued to spank us with the strap, making us both produce our own distinctive vocalizations. ellee sounds much happier than I do when she gets spanked: she sort of chirps and purrs and makes all sorts of adorable and energetic sounds. I just produce a varying level of gasps, whines, wails and, eventually, sobbing sounds. Just as I don't fake orgasms, though, I never manufacture these reactions in my personal play. If a spanking doesn't hurt, I don't respond vocally. If it does, I generally don't hold back (although there are situations where some amount of holding back is appropriate). This morning, I was a bit whimpery, and crying out a bit, but still obviously very happy with the strapping I was receiving.

Post spanking coziness

Once we'd both been thoroughly spanked, we somehow ended up getting even further undressed for a bit. Then we finally got dressed and went out to get ellee some makeup products which she had forgotten. After that expedition where YS also bought us candy and gave us each the occasional stray swat right in the middle of the mall, which I'm not used to at all and which made me blush ferociously, we ate a delicious breakfast then went to finish getting ready for the day. After I got out of the shower, YS directed me to the ironing board which was set up in the corner of the room. He showed me which shirt he wanted to wear that day and asked me to iron it, and to use the lint roller on it and also the pants that he was going to be wearing. This filled me with submissive bliss, as it was the first time I had ever had a chance to do a service-type task for YS (although I had made him sandwiches and things like that before our D/s dynamic started). I decided that for full effect, I had better do my ironing naked. (Dear Prestigious Women's College from which I graduated: there, there. It'll be alright.)

YS was pleased with my work and we both got dressed for the day. I asked YS if he wanted to pick out my panties for the day, which was something that would never have happened in any of my other D/s dynamics, but which felt VERY right in this case. He selected a gray, cotton pair that were cute and matched my outfit well (I actually happen to be wearing them RIGHT NOW). As soon as we finished this, he decided that he was going to spank me with my new hairbrush. He had purchased me a Mason Pearson hairbrush off of my amazon wishlist a little while ago as a thank you gift for being such a good girl (awwwww).

Some hairbrush related photos which I took for YS when it first arrived.

I had wanted a Mason-Pearson hairbrush because I had read about them in spanking stories for a long time, and they seemed both classy and mean. They're plastic, in case anyone doesn't already know, so I was not entirely sure how much it would actually hurt. I went over YS's lap again to find out.

It hurt. Specifically, it stung. I could have probably deduced this, since it was a firm but lightweight material. YS was able to get a good rhythm and motion going with it, and my bottom began to be overwhelmed with buzzing, burning, inescapable sting. I put my effort into not resisting, but I made quite a bit of noise. YS wrapped his other arm around my waist while he spanked me, going on and on with no end in sight. It built and built, but because of the nature of the implement, never descended into the gratification of thud, even when he started to give me harder swats. It just stung more. I had wanted to cry during the first spanking that YS had given me the day before, but I was too busy being happy and floaty. This implement was very good for that: it kept me very present and aware, but because of the emotional connection created by having had the implement purchased for me by my Dom, I felt very, very submissive. As both the pain and the submission increased, I started to make sobbing sounds. I didn't have a full out, proper cry, but I wailed and let go and a few tears came out. YS continued spanking me for however much longer he felt like, and then pulled me up for hugs tiem. It was perfect.

The rest of the day was very nice and it involved lots of fun times with various friends, as well as a few other scenes here and there and a complex and unusual prank involving a burrito which was maybe the funniest thing I've ever witnessed. I laughed so hard that tears literally rolled down my face. The most significant thing which occurred during the rest of that day, in my mind, was what I have been referring to when chatting to friends as "The Bear Story."

Right before we went to pick up YS and ellee, Lily Starr brought me into her room and gave me a present. It was an adorable brown teddy bear with a big, teal bow. As soon as I picked it up, though, I discovered that it was different than other bears. It's full of lavender and some kind of beans, and it can be put in the microwave to heat it up before cuddling. It's amazing! It's also really fun to play with because it's weighted and kind of heavy. I had a lot of fun swinging it around by it's various limbs. Lily then gave ellee a matching bear, which made things EVEN MORE PERFECT. Do you know why they make more than one of cute things? It's EXCLUSIVELY so that ellee and I can have matching ones. Aren't you glad I've explained that? I knew people were probably wondering. :P

Unfortunately, this bear caused me a little problem. In addition to enjoying swinging it around, I really, really enjoyed whacking my friends with the bear. I know, I know, this is the most childish thing ever, but it was REALLY satisfying and I REALLY couldn't stop myself. Now, sometime before the party, I had called ellee to talk about a few things and the topic of people who I sometimes want to punch came up. The conversation had gone something like this:

Me: There are people in the world who I really want to punch, but I probably can't. :(
ellee: Oh! YS is here! Let me ask him!
ellee (to her husband): YS? Can Alex punch someone if they're really horrible?
YS (super stern): No.
YS (loudly, so that I can hear through the phone) Alex, you can't punch people unless they punch you first or they're trying to rape you.
Me: Harumph, yes, Sir.

That's the problem with Doms. They're always making all these rules that prevent me from punching people in the face, or getting hit by cars, or dying in a fire and they go around making sure that I get proper sleep and take care of myself and don't get arrested. (Thank you, Malignus and YS! I love you!)

Anyway, it had been clearly established before the party that I was not to non-consensually assault people. Really, this is also basically just common sense, and also part of my rules from Malignus, so there's no excuse for any of this.

But this bear. It was SO GOOD for whacking your friends with. I had done it a little bit without anyone saying anything, but on Saturday afternoon in Beth/Heather/Missy/Stacey/Jules/possibly more people(?)'s suite, I got to swinging the bear around and hit both ellee and Heather. Heather, being a boss of me, wasn't going to take any bear-smacking, so she grabbed me by the arm and marched me into a corner. My reaction was instinctual, if not entirely logical.
"YS!" I yelled. "Help! Heather's being mean to me!" YS gave a response about how he was not going to interfere with other people's dynamics while I stood there with my face in a kind of oddly smelling curtain. Then, I guess either ellee or Heather explained to him why, exactly, I was standing with my face in a kind of oddly smelling curtain.
"Alex!" he scolded. "Did you hit her with your bear?"
"No," I said, without any understanding of why that word was coming out of my mouth.
"Are you really going to lie to me about this?" he asked.
"...I meant no, I did do it."
Even though that made absolutely no sense, YS seemed to accept that answer.
Still, he added, "We're going to have to have a discussion about this later, I think." I gave a resigned "Yes, Sir," and returned my face to the corner.
"Oh no, are you mad?" ellee asked, concerned about me, because ellee is the sweetest friend ever.
"No," YS, consoled her, "I'm not mad. All this means is that Alex is going to get spanked later, which is the whole reason that we're at this party."
The promise of being spanked for it later sent a little shiver down my spine, even though I was in an environment where there was zero risk of not getting spanked, and I remained in the corner until Heather decided to let me out.

I rejoined the party and continued to have a nice time. Then, less than an hour later, I was sitting on the couch with ellee, YS and the same bear. ellee said something silly or teasing, and I responded by sort of tossing the bear at her head.
"She just hit me with her bear!" ellee said with shock.
"Okay," was all the YS had to say about this. What he had to say wasn't the important part, though. What he did was stand up, grab me by the wrist and lead me to a bar stool at the front of the room. I felt a surge of nervousness. While I was fully aware as soon as the bear-tossing had occurred that I'd probably be spanked for it, it hadn't occurred to me that it would be done right there, right then in front of everyone. The offense of throwing around bears wasn't particularly serious, but this was also the first time that I was getting a chastisement style spanking from YS since our dynamic began. He had given me an #offchartbossing "punishment" spanking during the second cabin party, which I described as this:

When ellee and YS arrived, we exchanged some presents that we had collected for each other, because we're the kind of besties who get each other cute things. ellee is really good at buying presents. I was overjoyed. In the middle of mini-Christmas, though, YS came into the room with an implement and a semi-serious look on his face. Heather, ellee, YS and -lostkitten had carpooled from the airport together, and they had taken longer than I determined acceptable, so I got a little beyond my bounds and sent a text to Heather scolding YS for getting everyone lost and taking too long. This was about to catch up to me in the form of my first spanking of the party. My sense of self preservation must not have been unpacked yet, though, because when he said "You got a little mouthy there, Alex" I responded with "My mouth was not involved! I was texting!"
Surprisingly, this did not save me, and I got ten firm swats, followed by a very nice hug and more presents. Have I mentioned that YS and ellee are pretty much my favorite people ever to live? Yes. That.

What happened this time was not ten firm swats, followed by a very nice hug and more presents.
YS instructed me to bend over the barstool and he lifted my skirt. Then he asked whose toy bag was on the table. It belonged to StrictDave, and he happily offered the use of his implements. I could hear the distinctive sound of wooden things clattering against each other, to which I have a Pavlovian fear response. I instinctively looked back to see what had been selected.

"Don't look back," YS chided. "Just keep your face forward, hold still and be a good girl."
I did my best to do that. YS wrapped his free arm around my waist and began to spank me harder than he had ever before. The spanking was at a rapid pace and, from what I could gather, was with a wooden implement with a short range and a spanking surface about the size of my fist. It was the kind of hurt that burns and buzzes and very quickly overwhelms me, and I am pretty sure that I made pathetic vocalization for basically the entire thing. I don't remember YS saying anything to me throughout: no scolding or coaxing, just the constant presence of his other arm. That made me feel very Dominated: it was stable, secure, strong and unyielding. These are all important aspects of Dominance to me, and this non-verbal communication had a potent effect. I soon began to cry and apologize, entirely unaware of the fact that there were people around me. My entire world consisted of me, YS, the barstool I was leaning on, whatever implement he was using and an inescapable, undeniable, constant pain.

The last time that someone attempted to correct me in a public party setting I felt extremely insecure about being observed in such an intimate act, even though it was much less serious and less intimate than this, and I fell into a panicked and upset state and prematurely ended the scene. This time, I was entirely comfortable and entirely unaware of anyone else. It helped that no one interacted with us in a disruptive manner: no suggestions were made, no one announced when I began to cry et cetera. It just happened, and it was perfectly natural. Finally, he finished and wrapped me in a hug. After I regained my calm, I got some ellee hugs as well (apparently her spanking empathy is so strong that she was almost crying watching me, and I assured her that I was not only fine, but I felt very loved and well taken care of).

Quite soundly spanked.

YS sat back down on the couch and I climbed onto his lap and put my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.
"You're a very good girl still," he assured me, "but no more assault, even in jest." I melted into him a bit more.
"Yes, Sir," I answered, my voice hardly above whispering, "thank you for correcting me." ♥

I later discovered that the implement I was spanked with is an incredibly evil hairbrush which should probably not exist. It's that big type of hairbrush which is somewhere between a hairbrush and a bath brush and could only possibly make itself useful by making girls cry lots and lots.

Also, this is one of the only times that I've told a chastisement story on this blog. I usually consider this to be personal, and often sullied by public sharing but because this one was delivered in a semi-public setting, not over something deeply personal and very important to the narrative of my developing relationship with YS, I've decided that I have positive feelings about sharing this. I'll eventually write a longer post about my feelings towards punishment and the public eye (by which I mean it's been a draft for approximately 3 months).

While the action of this story takes place in Vegas, it begins in a very different time and place.

It was one of those evenings where I was alone in my apartment in South Dakota and Malignus was working. Both my professional work and my chores were completed for the evening, so I was sitting on the computer chatting to people and using Fetlife.

Recently, my darling twinsie, ellee, had been to a party in New York where she had met and played with Richard Windsor. From the very onset of my experience on Fetlife, Richard had been one of my favorite people. I liked his sense of humor, his ability to start a good discussion and his attitude towards play. I had been aware of him and his blog for longer than I'd been active in the virtual community, and I was delighted by how lovely he seemed online. We had met for the first time during Shadowlane, but unfortunately I was super overbooked at that party and didn't get to see half of the people that I wanted to. It also seemed to me that Rich was the kind of person who preferred pre-negotiated play over the "Hey, I'm here! Wanna spank me for the next ten minutes before I leave again?" sort of thing, which is really what most of my play at Shadowlane ended up being. After having our rather short meeting, though, my desire to actually get to scene with him had intensified, and listening to ellee talk about how amazing her experience had been brought this back to the front of my mind.

I wanted to engage, but more specifically, I wanted to show my interest in a bantery, fun, spank-flirty way. This is something that I'm not good at. My preference is to be a good girl, sometimes even doing so excessively to the point of being annoying to others around me. I know that in my regular home life, I'm never going to be intentionally bratty, but I also know that there's a time and an audience for it and that it can be incredibly entertaining. The idea of having fun first and then getting spanked later sounded rather perfect for me. So I decided to wait for a window of opportunity and then try my hand at it.

It just so happened that the night in question, The Spanking World: Good vs. Bad was having a field day, and I happily joined in, joking and bantering. A few days/weeks before that, Rich had started a topic in the group, but when no one replied for a while, he took it down. He explained this in a post elsewhere in the group: "No one responded for 43 minutes, so I figured no one was going to and deleted it." (this is paraphrased. I cannot find the actual post anymore). This lead to lots of teasing and hilarity Later that evening, I posted a new set of self-taken photos:

I was pretty pleased with the photo set, but despite the fact that lots of people were active on Fetlife, I wasn't getting any comments. I then made the following post to the famous "Pet Peeves" thread:

And then there was...

To which I responded:

Rich then commented on my photo, and I waited for exactly 43 minutes before replying to his comment. I literally sat next to my computer with a timer and waited. I was on a roll, and I was quite sure that everyone thought I was hilarious.

Really, it should have stopped there, but I was drunk with the glory of my new-found ability to draw spankings to myself in a hilarious manner, so I kept referring to the 43 minute rule and calling Richard a little bitch whenever I got the chance, and it probably got legitimately annoying. This was something that I originally really didn't want: I just wanted it to be funny and then for me to get beaten over it, and there were signs that I was actually becoming irritating (maybe even offensive?) later on, so I decided to lay low until the Vegas party, which I successfully did. My biggest fear in this whole out of character, behavior experiment was that I would actually hurt someone's feelings, create a nuisance or make someone think less of me, and I did worry that I had pushed things too far at the end.

Still, whenever anyone asked me about the story, I was happy to tell the entire thing, and I was quite pleased with myself. Rich had made it quite clear to me what the consequences for my actions were to be by sending me a series of voice recordings that were specifically designed to make my heart pound and my stomach flutter, I think. I was going to get 12 strokes of the cane, and after each stroke, I would need to repeat my most inappropriate phrase before the next. I let myself get enjoyably worked up over this. The anticipation built and built, and when we arrived at the party, Richard told me that I would be getting my caning on Sunday so that I got the maximum time to wait and think about things.

I ended up having to discuss practical concerns, which are my least favorite things when dealing with spanking play. I want to be able to just do whatever the fuck that I want, whenever I want. That's the way the world works, right? Unfortunately, this is not always the case. I was leaving from Vegas to go to England and would be filming in just a few days after arriving, so I couldn't leave the party all beaten and battered looking. This was also a concern in my play with YS: I had to ask him not to mark me during our last scene together, even though I really wanted him to. I wanted YS to spank me super hard and long and to leave me feeling sore and looking bruised so that I would continue to be enveloped in the safety and love of the time that we'd spent together. As it was, I wasn't able to get that, exactly, although all of our play together over the weekend left me with very positive memories, and the combination of everyone's efforts meant that I was very sore while flying to England. Anyway, I was worried that I would be in bad condition by Sunday and would not be able to be caned, and on Saturday night I was feeling a bit tired and emotionally stretched thin and I wasn't going to be able to put my heart into the scene if we did it then. Richard and I talked about all this, and we decided that I would be fine to get caned on Sunday before I had to leave. I set aside more time than we would probably actually need for it, just in case, and to avoid rushing. I think because of my temporary anti-marking agenda I may not have been caned as hard as I possibly could have, but because this was our first real scene together, I was somewhat alright with that.

On Sunday morning I took my time getting up and getting dressed and then spent some final private time focusing on my D/s dynamic with YS. Then it was time to go to "Strick"Dave's spanking court. When we left our room to talk down to the main suite, YS held his hand out for me to take and ended up feeling like I was in middle school or something. It was the sweetest gesture, and it made me feel a giddy, girly feeling inside. When we got to court, it had already started so we sort of snuck into the back. Court is always hilarious, and I have huge respect for (and probably a bit of a spanko-crush on) Dave: he seems to be knowledgable about everything, always quick to respond, makes me laugh lots and has just flat out impressive spanking skills. I was involved in one court case: in which Whooperine charged me with making fun of him for eating chicken wings with a fork. I did not even bother trying to defend myself against this, because several people had seen me say this, so I just argued that what I said wasn't so much mockery as it was fact. I may have been found guilty and gotten ten strokes, but I think that I sufficiently was able to make court a venue for further Whooperine-teasing, which meant that everything was right with the world. Throughout all these proceedings, though, I had a funny feeling in my tummy. Richard had handed me a note when I first came in that instructed me to go to my room after court and stand in the corner and wait for him. He was dressed sharply and had a very serious look on his face all the way through the court proceedings. His unbudging nature made me get even more worked up over what was about to happen. I had the classic mixture of terror and excitement. It was an excellent state of being.

As soon as I finished my case, I told Richard that I was going to my room then, in the interest of time (or maybe he told me to? I don't remember this part too well). What I do remember well is the walk down the hallway towards my suite. I had just walked this path with YS less than hour ago, practically skipping gleefully and then, it had seemed extremely short. Now, it stretched on and on in front of me. It was dizzyingly long! I found myself pausing to wipe my hands off on my skirt, because they were sweating. "How big is this hotel?" I wondered to myself. "I feel like I've been walking for an hour."

I finally arrived in the room and I propped the door open so that Richard would be able to enter when he came in. I then went pretty directly into the corner and began to wait. I could hear my blood rushing around inside my ears and hear my heart beating. I was very detached from my regular self and simply existing in this moment. My world was a world where I'd been a badly behaved girl and I was going to be soundly, severely punished for it. Thump, Thump, Thump went my heart.

Finally, Richard appeared and called me out of the corner. I'm sure my face must have been pretty pathetic: I was literally quivering. His manner in addressing me was stern and unbending and it made all my other feelings even more intense. I didn't protest against anything, just quietly submitted to getting into position for the cane. When he tested it in the air, I gasped at just the sound. From the time that the caning began until maybe ten minutes afterwards, I was in a liminal space on the verge of crying. Richard had said that he expected that I may cry, so I knew that was acceptable. For whatever reason, though, I never actually did: I think that I had too much nervous energy, too much anticipation and adrenaline to actually get to tears. Besides, I don't think that I've ever cried the first time that someone gave me a serious spanking (with the exception of my very first spanking). I think it's sort of an usual space for me, and my brain doesn't know which part of the mixed set of emotions to respond to.

Richard had positioned me over a barstool, in basically the same position that YS had used, but while yesterday's spanking had felt warm and close, this one felt austere and formal. It pushed a whole different (and much rarer to be pushed) set of buttons for. I was given a piece of paper which read "MR. WINDSOR IS NOT A LITTLE BITCH" which I was to recite after each stroke (this paper is currently tucked in my wallet behind my credit cards, which I suppose could prove awkward at some point, but I don't want to lose it). The first stroke made me gasp and whimper. I had trouble getting my voice in order to speak to read the sentence. I think I may have actually moved my mouth without any sound coming out, like trying to bring myself to wake someone sleeping in a dark room when my mind believes that it is necessary to be entirely quiet.

"Mr. Windsor is not a little bitch," I managed. The cane landed again, in a hot, stinging stroke. Again, I repeated the sentence. On the third stroke, I had a moment of fear when I realized that I was only a quarter of the way done with the caning. Just like the hallway had before, twelve strokes seemed impossibly long. The scene had gotten into some deep part of my brain and had twisted my senses of time and distance. It felt like a very long time before the next stroke.
Sometimes, I would rush the sentence out quickly. Others, I would whimper and wail a bit, catch my breath, move my feet and then whisper. At one point, I apologized, but I was firmly reminded that it was not the time for that. When I finally read the sentence for the last time and received my final stroke, I felt like I had been in the scene for ages, when in reality, I can't imagine that it took more than ten minutes between the first and last stroke. Each one had been memorable, though: they cut, they bit, they slashed, they buzzed and itched and chewed at me. When it was done, I was suffering from "No bones syndrome" and sort of poured myself onto the couch in a snuggling position with Richard.

We talked a bit and I felt very relieved and relaxed. The whole thing had been such an intense and powerful situation that it took me a little bit to sort of "come to" from it, but when I did, I was very happy with the whole experience. We hugged and everything was forgiven.

I feel very certain that I will never call Richard a little bitch ever, ever again. ♥

I'm going to interrupt my story-telling order a bit to present you with my first ever video blog! This slightly tipsy, very giggly recording shows Pandora Blake, Nimue Allen and myself discussing our adventures after a day of shooting while we drink pink wine, play with stuffed animals and wear cute, cuddly pajamas. It's all very genuine and unscripted (uh, obviously?) and slightly ridiculous. It is possibly one of the best things ever.

I enjoyed video blogging on my first attempt. It's possible I will do it again in the future. :D

Please let me know what you think of the video blogging and if you'd like to see more of it, or if you think I should just stick to writing.♥

So, I'm back home from England. I didn't blog at all during the final segment of my trip, mostly because I was not consistently at my computer and I was using any and all down time that I had to obtain cuddles, which is a life choice that I'm entirely okay with. The situation that leaves me in, though, is being an entire month behind in terms of what part of my narrative has been shared and where I am in my daily life. It's my goal to get thru this entire section before I leave for BBW, so I need to really get to work on this stuff. YS has been very flexible and forgiving about my lack of updating, but I'm getting a bit cross with myself. Unfortunately, when I have so much material to cover, it gets hard for to plow thru it. It's just daunting. I know I only make it harder for myself when I DON'T post, though, so I'm going to get into high gear and start telling stories. Onward to the story of the rough start that I had, which, fortunately, lead to great things. :)

When I last wrote (not counting my video blog, of course) I had just finished recounting the story of my epic scene with Richard Windsor. Following that scene, I basically had to start packing right away in order to get to my flight. I was kind in a sad emotional place at the time. Leaving people is always hard, and I had to leave before the party was really finished, which was even worse. Additionally, I was very nervous about going to England by myself. SF, with whom I was intending to stay for the majority of my visit, had contacted me early that morning to let me know that he was dealing with a pretty awful personal emergency and that he wasn't sure what his availability would be, which had made me feel extremely unsettled. Additionally, I'm kind of horrified of being deported. Things like immigration and customs always really scare me. What if I say something wrong and they send me away and never let me back into England ever again?! I know it's a kind of irrational worry, but it has always been a worry, none the less.

Once my packing was finished, I exchanged some tearful hugs with my loved ones, particularly ellee, YS and PTL. Lily Starr and Robert Wolf had agreed to take me to the airport again, which was wonderful. When we were packing up the car, Robert asked me what time my flight left and I explained that it was in about three hours or so. He praised me for planning in advance, which made me feel good, especially because the last time that I had been responsible for logistics with something involving him I had kind of let things get messed up, so I felt like I had redeemed myself a little bit.

I arrived at the airport, got my bags checked and went to the gate. I was flying on Condor, which was really, really cheap, but is not something that I would recommend. There were no entertainment options, the space was smaller and more cramped than the usual airplane and there wasn't even an overhead light. The flight was long and tedious, and my mind went back and forth between reliving the awesome scenes I had experienced in Vegas and basking in the comfort and warmth I'd felt when surrounded by people I was close to and worrying about what would happen once I got to England. My stomach was tied up in knots a lot of the way there because I genuinely didn't know what was waiting for me when I landed. I knew that I had SF there, who would hopefully be able to let me stay at his place like we'd originally planned, and who I really wanted to see. I also knew that I'd be spending a week with Pandora Blake, who I had met at TASSP the year before and developed a very close internet friendship with over time, and I really looked forward to that. The rest of it was a big question mark, though. I had lots of shoots booked, but I didn't actually know any of the people that I'd be working with, really. I had met a number of people I'd be working with for Northern Spanking briefly at Shadowlane last year when I did my first shoot for the site, but I certainly couldn't say that I actually knew any of them. Basically, there was nothing about the trip that made me feel entirely secure, but I kept telling myself that it would be alright. I do know how to take care of myself, even in a far away place.

I transfered planes in Frankfurt, Germany, where I got horribly lost in the airport and just made my connecting flight at the last possible minute. That flight was quite short and straightforward, and before I knew it, I had landed in England. This is when my trip became less exciting and more stressful.

I walked up to Immigration officer, who I was unhappy to see was pretty cranky looking. She asked how long I intended on staying in England, and I tried to explain to her that I was only there for one night before I went to Holland (where I was shooting with Spanked In Uniform and Real Life Spankings, but I obviously didn't tell her that!), but that I'd be returning after two more nights and staying in the country for the rest of the month "visiting friends". There were various complications and a lot of questioning relating to this plan and the documents I had about the rest of my travel, and it didn't exactly end well for me, although it could have been worse, of course. In the end, I was given a 24 hour visa and told that my passport was being flagged for when I attempt to re-enter the country. She refused to explain what, exactly, that meant. I was shaken and scared by this whole exchange. It took all my energy not to break out into tears in the middle of the airport.

Now, despite the fact that I spent a few weeks in England back in 2010, I had forgotten a lot of the ways in which the country was different than the US, especially from South Dakota. I found these differences a little overwhelming when I first arrived. I was feeling very lost and alone when I finally had obtained my luggage and dragged it all out of the secure area of the airport. There, I did not find SF waiting for me (although I wasn't sure if I would or not, as I mentioned before). I paid for internet, then messaged back and forth with Malignus a little bit about my visa situation. I ended up booking myself a hotel room, and getting a bus to the hotel for the night. When I arrived, I was informed that the room was on the first floor, so I wandered around the lowest floor of the hotel dragging all my luggage for approximately 20 minutes before I remembered that in England, that means one flight of stairs up. I managed to find an elevator (lift) and get myself to my room. When I entered the room, though, it was dark, none of the light switches worked and the heat was off. After having been in Los Angeles and then Vegas, I found England to be cold. I was alone in a foreign country which didn't want me to be there, uncertain of where I'd be going for the rest of my time, exhausted from not having slept on the flight, suffering from party drop after my spank-fest in Vegas and in a cold, dark room. I didn't even bother to try not to cry.

I tried a variety of things in an attempt to get the lights to turn on, but eventually gave up on them and found an outlet on the other side of the room which had it's own on/off switch attached, and which worked. I plugged my computer into my power converter, paid 12 pounds to use the internet for the night and then got online. Malignus and some of my other friends helped me figure out what my options were regarding my visa situation. I ended up getting on the phone with the US Embassy and getting things straightened out. I got a list of documents that I needed to print out, and after a lot of running around the hotel I managed to figure out where they printed to and collect them. Malignus was loving and supportive and this made me feel somewhat better. As soon as things were taken care of and I felt confident that once I left the country they would let me back in, I figured out what I had to do to get to my flight in the morning. It was out of Standstet Airport on the other side of the city, so I quite a journey ahead of me. Once I had my directions all straightened out, I realized how tired I felt. I told Malignus that I needed to get some sleep and he supported me in this idea and I signed off for the night. I wanted to take a shower, though, and was scared to do this in the dark. I went back to trying to figure out the lighting and heating situation, since it was so cold that I was wearing my coat and knit hat indoors. I eventually discovered a weird looking device on the door in front of the bathroom. After trying to turn it on in various ways, I realized that I needed to insert my room key into it. Once I did that, the lights came on and the thermostat started to work. I turned the heat all the way up, turned on all the lights in the place and then got into the shower. After showering, the room was still chilly so I attempted to dry my hair, but as soon as I plugged my hairdryer into my only power converter, it made a horrible noise and then stopped working. I tried to plug my computer into the converter again to discover that this had broken it. I towel dried my hair, said a bunch of angry things about the situation under my breath and then put every blanket I could find in the room in a giant pile on the bed and made myself a little nest. As soon as I put my head on the giant pile of pillows that I had collected for myself (since I was also using the spares from the closet) I passed the fuck out.

The next morning, I woke up feeling rested but still pretty filled with anxiety. I tried to focus on the fact that I had gotten everything taken care of, but I couldn't ever feel entirely confident. I knew that there was some point at which I was going to feel alright and let myself relax, but I didn't know what that would be yet. I had a lot to do that morning. Even though I hadn't eaten anything the night before, I skipped breakfast to focus getting myself to my next airport. This process was difficult and expensive. I took the bus back to Heathrow, and then the Heathrow Express to Central London, then two different trains on the Underground, then the Standset Express. I did all this while carrying my backpack, satchel and two very full suitcases by myself. I was kind of impressed with myself when I got to the airport. Upon arrival, I went to check in, only to discover that my bags were dramatically overweight for what was accepted in Europe. This idea hadn't actually occurred to me: despite carrying a bunch of crap across the country with me basically all the time, I've never had an overweight bag before. I ended up dumping whatever stuff I had no attachment to whatsoever that I was carrying (snack food, extra toiletries, intentionally ugly pajamas, et cetera) and still paying a pretty hefty fee. But once that was done and they had finally agreed to let me take my possessions with me, I had purchased a new power adapter and I had eaten a meal, I discovered the thing in the world that made everything okay for a little bit: a store which sold underwear. Purchasing my first international panties (with cats on, no less!) made me feel better. This may sound slightly ridiculous, but eh, this is me that we're talking about.
Shortly after this transaction was completed, I was able to get on my flight and I took off for Holland, where my adventures continued.

So, I made you wait for two weeks for a post and then it included no spanking and no pictures and was mostly me talking about how hard traveling is. As my darling friend The Bad Alex would say: sorry I'm not sorry! (More upbeat, photo filled post coming tomorrow! Woot!)

Well, that last post was bracing, wasn't it? Don't worry: this one has adventures, spanking and photos in it. Whew!

On Tuesday night, I arrived in Holland, where I was picked up from the airport by Mike from Spanked in Uniform and Real Life Spankings. We chatted about various things, including what we'd be shooting in the next two days while we drove from the airport to the hotel where I'd be staying. This was a much more welcoming hotel than the last one had been: I found my room right away, the lights worked, the room was warm upon arrival and it had much more space. I got on the internet and talked to Malignus for a while, then took a long, relaxing bath. I got my things ready for the next day and then got a good night's sleep.

The next morning, I got up and got ready, then Mike picked me up and brought me over to his studio. We started brainstorming about which scenes, exactly, we were going to shoot. I love dressing up, so shooting for a site whose whole point-of-concept was uniforms was a lot of fun for me. The first scene which we shot was for Real Life Spankings. It was a pretty straight forward scene (few details, as it is yet to be released) but I was surprise to discover just how hard Mike's hand-spankings were. He fell into the rare camp of Tops whose hands hurt worse than many implements.

The next scene that we shot has been released, so I shall show you some photos. It's for Spanked in Uniform's sub-series "Europe Airlines," and features me as a stewardess, what else? I liked the pink outfit: quite girly and adorable. In the film, I've been caught trying to smuggle foodstuffs and alcohol back to the US, and get promptly spanked, and then paddled with a leather paddle.

Alex Reynolds IN A CORNER? Now that's just unnatural. :P

I'm pretty sure that the next scene that we did was for Spanked in Uniform's Star Trek themed segment: "The Disciplinary Ship Genesis." I originally intended to bring my own Star Trek TOS uniform with me, to ensure proper fitting, but it was among the things that didn't make it overseas with me. Fortunately, one of the uniforms on hand suited me pretty well.

Now, let me just point out that I'm into Star Trek. Star Trek spanking fantasies have been part of my life since I was a pretty young girl, although they were usually either based around the idea of being a Yeoman (I've always really fetishized service-type positions) or they were very directly Fanfictional regarding characters of Star Trek: TNG. In case you're kind of making a squinty face at me and saying "Really, Alex?": yes. Really. It's okay. This makes me hot. :D

So, because of this background, shooting any kind of Star Trek type scenes was lots of fun for me, and I enjoyed wearing that uniform very much. In these scenes, I play a misguided Ensign who will probably follow the path of Harry Kim and never receive a promotion, as I've been messing around and polishing torpedos instead of manning the Weapons Bay properly. My character's ridiculous judgement call almost costs everyone their lives when the ship encounters a Borg cube. Oops. There's no better response to almost getting everyone on a ship killed than spanking, though!

We took a break for lunch, after which we did two more scenes that have yet to be released. One was for the series "Mike's 50's Diner," which was a lot of fun to film because in it, I got to be a horrible, stuck up brat. A lot of the characters that I get to play are good girls: sweet, repentant, apologetic girls. Admittedly, because this is closest to my usual real life scene behavior and because this is sort of what I started out with, those are the characters where I probably do the best job. Still, I find other sorts of behavior lots of fun, and I've enjoyed getting more comfortable and proficient at being mouthy, witty, bratty and sometimes horrible. That scene was a fun example of that.

The final scene of the day was on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. It was for the Military Academy series, and I played a character that was possibly more of a goody-goody than I actually am in real life. If I'm not being aware of it, I can sometimes be annoying good: you don't want to do that thing? Well, let me do it instead! Oh! I know the answer to that question! Pick me! Let me tell you some facts!

And also, me.

This is not always the best way to make friends. In this scene, though, it was fun (and kind of refreshing) to be so super good, although I can rest assured that if I were in an actual Military School environment, every other cadet would hate me and want horrible things to befall me.

I also liked the outfit that was worn for this series. The little hat was particularly enjoyable:

By the end of the day, I was basically toast. My bottom was sore in lots of different ways, but it mostly felt raw, and my skin was getting kind of hard and dried out. This was kind of intimidating for two reasons: the first being that I had three more consecutive days of shooting coming up. The second was the fact that I had dumped my lotion when trying to lighten my bag and that hotels in Europe don't seem to give out as varied an assortment of toiletries as American hotels do. Still, I'm basically a champion when it comes to spanking stamina, and I had hardly a mark on me at the end of the day, so I wasn't too overly concerned.

We packed up all the mean, awful things that I'd been getting hit with all day: :D

It's an instrument that's hard to play quietly.

and then Mike and his lovely wife took me out to dinner at a restaurant which was bear themed. They didn't even do this on purpose, either, but it was entirely perfect for me. There were bears everywhere, and I couldn't stop staring at them.

BEARS

I even took a photo in a bathroom that wasn't of my butt reflecting in the mirror!

I basically need this in my house.

After dinner, I felt refreshed and relaxed and I went back to the hotel, where I soaked in the bath for a long time. Being a resourceful girl, I decided to apply some hair-mask to my butt to take the place of lotion. Please note that this isn't a recommended "asscare" practice, but it worked in a pinch. Before too long, I had gotten tired and drifted off to sleep. ♥

The next morning, I got up and finished my packing before Mike came to pick me up for our second day of shooting. I was well rested and well organized, although I had not eaten breakfast. In fact, I had not eaten breakfast either morning. The woman at the check out desk pointed this out to Mike, serving as foreshadowing for hotel-staff-not-pleased-by-my-lack-of-eating-breakfast to come.

After the check out process was completed, we drove over to the train station to pick up Leandra, who was going to shoot with us for the second day. Leandra was definitely interesting to hang out with and fun to work with. She's very different than me: a lot of our conversation was based on me trying to explain to her that yes, most of what I do is spanking videos and yes, I get spanked in my personal life. Lots and lots. She was never judgey about my fetishism, just kind of fascinated, and we chatted about this between scenes.

Our first scene was for Real Life Spankings, in which Leandra was getting a maintenance spanking and I happened to peek in and spy on her, which of course, resulted in me getting spanked myself while Leandra watched from the corner. I was actually legitimately interested in watching her get spanked. I mean, she's pretty hot. And there was spanking involved. These are two pretty sure fire ways to hold my interest. I like the way that Leandra keeps all her limbs off the ground while getting spanked. I tend to do the opposite of that, for stability and comfort, but I definitely like the way that her positioning looks.

GASP! Spanking!

My turn!

After this scene, we shot a set of scenes for Spanked in Uniform's Rockford School of Dance. This involved Lenadra and I dressing up like cheerleaders. Cheerleader uniforms are a kind of funny thing for me. This shoot is the only time I've ever worn one. When I was in high school, I was weird and unpopular and all the cheerleaders and their friends bullied me. My girlfriend at the time was originally a cheerleader, but our romantic involvement lead to the team's unanimous decision to expel her from the squad. So while I've always thought that cheerleading outfits looked pretty hot, I had never been able to get too far past the "mean girl" idea that I have in my head. When I put the uniform on I didn't feel weird about it at all, though. Admittedly, it was only very loosely related to the outfits that were worn by my peers, but I felt pretty okay about being a cheerleader. It was almost like I was taking something back.

Also, my skirt was really inappropriately short. Bonus!

I've been kind of delighting in darkness during video making recently, and I think it would be great to get to play a really horrible, cruel cheerleader, like the kind that picked on me day in and day out for those long two years when I went to High School. I certainly know a lot of the lines. :P

The cheerleader scene that we did was much more straight forward and a lot less mean than that. It starts off with me being hired to teach a group of European cheerleaders some moves (being from America, I obviously know all about cheerleading) and being told that if the girls get out of line, I'm to punish them with spankings. That very day, Leandra gets on my bad side and I take her upstairs and to task over my knee.

Spanking Leandra was pretty fun. She has a pretty beautifully shaped bottom, and her responses to the spanking were very cute to listen to. It's one of the only topping videos of me where I don't think I look kind of silly. The film has been released, so I'm happy to share a few photos from it!

You can sort of see down my shirt in this photo. That's almost as good as being able to see up my skirt.

We then shot a sequel video to this in which I get spanked, but I won't go too far into detail about that for fear of giving something away.

After we finished this we had some lunch and got back to work with filming. The rest of the day was spent doing school girl films, which was obviously fine with me! It made a lot of sense to me that we saved this for the second day of filming when Leandra would also be there. One school girl is a good thing, but the awesomeness of school girl films increases exponentially in my mind based on how many girls there are, especially in matching outfits (this is why I love Sternwood Academy so damn much! There are a lot of us, and we all match!), so having both of us made those films a lot of fun. Again, I won't talk too much about the film before it has been released, but the character that I played in these scenarios was a little bit different than how I usually behave, which is always an interesting thing to do.

Once we wrapped our final scene, I had to get my stuff together because I needed to go to the airport. I was getting kind of stressed about this: I was really afraid that I'd get back to England and the immigration officer would say "No, sorry, you are never allowed to go to England again." Mike dropped me off and we said goodbye. I'm hoping that we'll work together next time I come back to Europe. :) I managed to get my baggage checked with fewer problems than I had last time (I didn't have to throw anything additional away) and then got to my flight. I was hoping to find something to eat before flying, but the airport I flew out of was rather tiny.

I got on a tiny plane and listened to music on my phone, trying to relax. The whole time I was in flight, though, I was rehearsing my conversation that I'd be having with immigration. I had all the papers I needed to and everything was in order, but I continued to worry after my experience last time.

When I landed at Standstet I was pleased to see that the lines were much shorter and less scary seeming than they had been at Heathrow. It still took a long time for it to be my turn, but while I was waiting, I started to chat to a couple of American girls who were studying aboard in Holland and visiting England for a week. It was nice to talk to other people who were equally concerned about immigration (although they had a lot less reason to be than I did!) and who had a similar background to me. I hadn't realized just how alone and sort of alienated I'd felt since I'd left Vegas. I don't mean that I didn't connect with the people that I'd been spending time with before: just that I felt very aware that I was in a different place and with people who I didn't really know. It was nice to be with someone who was in some ways similar to me, even if she was a total stranger.

Eventually I got called up to the desk, where a friendly looking man took my boarding card and I felt a lot more relaxed than I had a few minutes ago. He asked me very basic and straightforward questions, I showed him my papers and he stamped my passport. VICTORY! :D

From there, I went to the baggage claim where my bags were already waiting, and then exited the secure area. I was being picked up by Paul Kennedy and Zoe Page, and we were driving up to Derbyshire for two more days of shooting. It wasn't ideal scheduling, but it was the way things had worked out. I had only met Paul very briefly at Shadowlane last year, but when I saw him, I kind of breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was the first time since my goodbyes in Vegas that I had seen someone I had ever met before! It was a very refreshing feeling. In my first post about my travels I mentioned that I was waiting for something else that would make me feel secure, and for whatever reason, this was it. Having all of my immigration stuff completed and being with someone that I knew, at least a little, meant that I finally felt some sense of stability.

Hopefully it will be fewer days before I post my next segment. Things have been a bit busy for me since I've been home.♥

When I last left off in the tale of my adventures overseas, I'd just been picked up at the airport upon my return to England from a brief stay in Holland. I'd been greeted by Paul Kennedy (of Northern Spanking) and Zoe Page (who is a different person than "Zoey" who has been mentioned in a few older posts). The three of us were going to go by car up to Derbyshire, where we were going to meet John Osborne and do two days of shooting: one for Northern and one for Triple A. It turns out that Zoe had been feeling sick earlier that day, but had gotten enough rest to feel up to coming along despite that. This was the first time that I'd ever really gotten to ride in a car in England, and I found that kind of excessively exciting. I was very aware of how different certain things were. I was pretty fascinated by this stuff, but I also tried to keep this at least somewhat under wraps: I didn't want to be "that girl" who comes to a foreign country and marvels at every dumb little thing and annoys everyone around her. Still, I liked riding in the seat where I'm usually driving (they let me sit in the front ^_^) and noticing the different wording on signs and such things. I was particularly amused by a series of signs that listed the cities we were driving towards and included "THE NORTH." I can't exactly tell you why this made me giggle a lot, but it did.

We stopped at the first service area that we found to get something to eat, since I was pretty starved. I there encountered a minor problem: I didn't know what the fuck most of the stuff on the menu was. I was a matter of things having different names combined with not being sure how similar food items would be to what I was used to. This lead to me asking about eighty questions, throughout which Paul and Zoe were surprisingly patient. I had originally been slightly intimidated by Zoe, since I had seen her be pretty terrifying on film before meeting her. I was glad to see that in real life, she was sweet and awesome, and my rival at being a goofball. We related on a few things and giggled quite a bit. Then we got ice cream, which is instant happiness for me. I was pretty happy with my life, and instead of feeling worried like I had upon my first arrival, I felt excited about whatever adventures were in store for me.

After dinner, we got back in the car and drove the rest of the way there. I discovered that I'm not fond of the roundabouts system: it makes me a little bit queasy. The ride didn't seem too long to me, probably because I was very contented, even though I was much quieter than I usually am because I was still adapting to my surroundings. Eventually we arrived at the hotel where we would be staying for the next two nights: it was a small and quaint bed and breakfast. The caretaker greeted us and showed us to our rooms and then asked us some questions about breakfast. I basically just agreed to everything that she said, because I didn't actually know what a "full" breakfast entailed and I didn't want to look ignorant. Then we went up to get settled. Zoe and I were sharing a room, and I thought it was super cute, even though it was a bit cold.

Zoe in our quaint little room :)

They had left us a tea set which I found excessively adorable:

In case you cannot tell from my lousy photo, the mugs have cats on them.

We then went to meet John and chat in the other room. We talked about the studio where we'd be shooting, looked at some content that John had shot there previously on his computer and just chatted a bit while we had a glass of wine. I was wearing my bunny pajamas, which Paul pretty instantly decided he wanted to use for a film that we'd be doing the next day. This pleased me greatly, because I'm a little obsessed with my bunny pajamas. Eventually I got tired and Zoe and I retired to bed.

The next morning we got up and packed our things for the day, then met the guys downstairs for breakfast. We were a little bit late. That's what happens with girls (read: Alex) in the mornings sometimes. :/ The woman who ran the B+B (who from this morning on was referred to as "breakfast lady") brought out our plates. The plate was filled with stuff that I wasn't really expecting. I ate all my meat and some toast, and then sort of picked at the rest of the stuff. Eating beans at breakfast wasn't really all that appealing to me. There was a big pile of mushrooms on the plate, and I'm super-deadly-allergic to mushrooms, so I refused to eat anything they had touched out of fear of going into anaphylactic shock, which is generally not how I like to start my day. And since I hadn't asked for anything otherwise during the conversation with breakfast lady where I agreed a lot, my eggs were served with uncooked yolks. I know that this is simply me being fussy, but I just won't eat eggs that aren't totally and entirely cooked. I'm tremendously stubborn, because I think they're gross. Serious_Face once refused to let me get up from his table until I'd at least tried one, and I sat there petulantly for three hours until he gave up and beat me instead (still better than the eggs). Fortunately, no one at this table wanted to waste the entire morning watching me not eat, so we told breakfast lady that we were finished. She was not pleased with me, and gave me lots of dirty looks for not eating her breakfast. We all found this infinitely entertaining. After a quick visit with the fat, hotel cat named Monty and a brief incident in which John hit a trashcan with his car while trying to backup, we were on our way to the studio.

Once we arrived and unloaded at the studio, I became aware of it's primary feature: it was cold. I don't like to be cold. (Question: why do you live in South Dakota, then? Answer: have you seen how many things that I don't like but do?) Fortunately, Zoe was basically the best ever and made me tea approximately every 20 minutes to keep me warm.

Once set up and makeup were completed, we got to filming the first scene. It was between me and Zoe and filmed on a stable set that included several bales of hay. This hay got everywhere, and it's actually STILL in my hairbrush, but it looked awesome and was kind of fun to romp around in.

Filming with Zoe was interesting because most of the scenarios we were involved in were written so that we were peers and Zoe's character wasn't so much of an authority figure over me as she was just a bully. This was a fun and refreshing change of pace for me. Also, Zoe is really hot. And she's very creative within a scene: I was immediately taken aback by how quickly she came up with ideas of new directions in which to take her bullying and bossing. Plus, she was great at spanking. This scene was actually my first riding crop scene (I'm pretty sure, anyway, and certainly my first on film) and I liked it quite a bit: stingy and whippy without feeling like any other implement, in particular.

The second scene that we did was similar in terms of character relationships: Zoe's character was kind of an awful bitch and I was a goody-goody and a bit of a nerd. That obviously worked well for me, because that's sort of me in real life :P. This was set in a school room, which made me very happy indeed.

The desks in the school set were covered in graffiti which kind of fascinated me, especially because a lot of it had slang on it which I didn't recognize. I then got a vocabulary lesson on various ways to call people a slut in England. I also couldn't help but add to the vandalism a little bit:

Add that to the list of "bad things that I did and got away with!"

And I added a little love for my bestie:

Our third scene was a very traditional and straight forward, bedtime punishment scene that Paul did with me. There isn't actually anything that unique about it, but it's probably my favorite scene that we shot that weekend (honestly, it's probably among my favorite scenes I've done on film). This is because it appeals to a lot of things at the center of my kink. My character was genuinely a good girl, but she was clearly quite far out of line this time and had gotten herself into big trouble. There was a domestic setting and the inclusion of my cute pajamas, which are both good things in my book. The spanking was primarily OTK while on a bed, which is my personal favorite spanking position, and the more severe stuff which followed was given with me lying over pillows, which is a very familiar position for me, and one that I find very emotionally comfortable. And I got hit on my thighs.

I stole this photo from John's blog, because it's awesome.

All of this plus Paul's attitude in the scene fostered a lot of vulnerability in me, and I just dove into it. I let myself get really worked up and I either cried a little or came very close to it (I don't remember now). When it was finished, I felt very genuinely cozy.

I'm possibly smiling more than I was supposed to be. :P

I know that I'm only half way thru a day of shooting, but I'm going to stop here and continue on in the next post, because I have approximately 87 things I need to do before I leave for BBW. So. Many. Adventures.

More posting soon! ♥

Before I go on to my next post, I want to address a few things. First of all, I have been pretty busy and frequently out of town, so apologize for the lapses in posting. I've been toying with the idea of putting my UK stories on hold and just writing about BBW, but I've decided to work harder at getting thru each bit the way that it happened. Also, I wrote this entire post while on the plane to New York, but I was unable to save it (since the plane was without Wifi) and ended up losing all my work, so I've been kind of pissed about that and avoiding rewriting. Still, time to move forward!

When I left off, we'd completed our first three videos of the day, and after lunch, we moved on to film a pair of short, straight-forward films on the infinity curve. In case you don't know what an infinity curve is, it's a big, white space with walls that curve in such a way that it looks like you're sort of floating in space and that it goes on forever. I'd actually never worked on a real one before (only a seamless backdrop) so that was kind of neat. The scenes that we shot were both school scenes, and they're very austere, so the background works wonderfully for them. The first scene was a school gym class style scene, which I loved the hell out of. Added to the list of things I didn't know before this trip: you're supposed to wear regular underwear beneath the navy blue gym knickers. This was not what I would have expected, but it was cool with me. Anything that involves more underwear works for me! The panties that I wore underneath were vintage and very delicate. I'd never seen anything like them before, but I liked them right away.

It's hard to see the pattern, but it's pretty :P

Like I said, the scene was very straight-forward. There wasn't really much of any story: just me getting strapped in a very austere setting. This is something that I don't do a lot of in the films that I tend to do in the US: things that are very to-the-point, and that point is me getting whacked. This stripped down nature, plus the fact that the scenes were shot in a dreamy, blank background made it feel like we'd simply stepped into one of my fantasies and I hadn't bothered to make up the rest of the details, so they were left out.
It was awesome.

The next scene that we did was very similar: it was the same setting and same sort of situation, but this time, it was a school scene. While all the school girl stuff is a big fantasy for me, the English version of things has always held a very strong appeal. I got to wear a tie (which I've never gotten to do in an American school film) and I liked that quite a bit:

This is a photo of me being pleased about my tie.

The scene itself included me being bent over one of the desks from the school set and getting caned and precious little else, and it felt so potent because of that. One of the resulting images from it has become one of my favorite "Alex getting spanked" photos of all time:

It's very much a photographic representation of that part of my kink. This was also the first time I had ever been caned in England: the first time I visited I was spanked plenty of times and hit with various objects, but I never got the cane. This event pleased me quite a bit: it just seems like something "right" to go to England and get beaten with a cane, like that's something that every spanko bottom should get to do at least once in their lives. I'm also pleased that Paul was the person who gave me my first caning in England, as he's gone on to become someone very special to me. Fortuitous how that worked out. :)

Once we finished that video, we then went on to shoot photosets, which is one of my favorite things to do. When I was just a consumer of spanking pornography, still photographs were the main thing that I was interested in. They feel artistic and creative, as well as open-ended in a way that lets the mind wander in delightful directions. Because I started out my modeling career simply being photographed, it's also something that I feel more confident doing. We shot several sets, all on the infinity curve, because it was just that cool.

In one set, I got to wear an actual English nurse uniform (although I'm not sure if it's modern or not? I'm somewhat confused on that). It's super different from anything that I've ever seen in the U.S. Usually nurses just wear scrubs around here, and there's nothing attractive about scrubs, at least to me. This involved leggings, though, and they were tight enough that you could see my underwear through them, which makes for a win in my book.

Thank you for spanking me, Mr. Osborne!

In another set, there was more caning, of course, because one can never have enough of that! Zoe had to help me with the "suspender belt" (garter belt) since I'd never really worn one before, but I discovered that I'm actually quite fond of them. Less pulling up stockings, more having something to frame my ass and make it look even rounder!

The next photo comes from a set which was cute and sweet, and which I like a ton. Pink bow + snuggly spankings = happy, contended Alex. Here is a photo to prove it:

Whenever I see any one of these photos, I think "Oh! That one is my favorite!" until I get to the next one, which also becomes my favorite.

The final set that we did at the end of the first day of filming involves me looking very young and sweet and Paul coming in to be all scary and terrifying. I kept insisting that he was a very bad man for beating such an innocent looking girl as myself. :P

Yeah, having the same problem, because this one is also my favorite.

Once we finished shooting and we got everything cleaned up and packed away for the day, we drove to a small grocery store to get some supplies (read: alcohol) for the evening. Zoe once again demonstrated her very impressive patience when I wanted to get some chocolate but didn't know what any of it was. She walked thru the entire candy aisle explaining things to me and helping me figure out what stuff I would like. She then bought me my first ever Easter Egg. Now, we obviously have Easter chocolate in the US, and we have a lot of candy that is shaped like eggs, but we don't have the exact same thing as they do in England. In England, Easter Eggs are big, foil wrapped chocolate eggs with something interesting inside them, and I guess they're sort of a tradition. Zoe and I got two, and some pink fizz (I think that the name of that is pretty self explanatory, right? Pink sparkling wine) and planned to have a picnic with them in our room later that night.

We then went to a restaurant near our hotel, where I had to take a very long time deliberating over what I wanted to eat again. I'd like to say that I got better at this as my time in England wore on, but I really didn't. Even once I knew what I liked to eat, I still had to think about it for far longer than I should have. Dinner was very enjoyable, though. It mostly involved Paul, John, Zoe, the cameraman and I chatting about all sorts of industry related topics, including a lot of the history of the various sites that film in England. We stayed there for a long time, and I felt relaxed and happy. At one point, Zoe and I went to the restroom (in a pair, as girls do) and when she turned on the sink to wash her hands, she sprayed water all over herself. She then attempted to dry the front of her jeans using a hand dryer. I took a photo of this, because this is the kind of stuff that I absolutely dig about Zoe. She's goofy and ridiculous and I simply cannot get enough of her.

After we finished at the restaurant, we walked over to a pub and had a few drinks. I will not say anything about anyone else (although John was pretty open on his blog about the fact that he his fair share to drink) but I was very responsible. It was also just a very nice time. I find going out for drinks in England to be more fun than it is in the US, but that may be because I live in South Dakota, where nothing is particularly exciting.

Once last call had been completed, we all wandered back to the hotel, where Zoe and I went on to eat chocolate and drink wine the pink fizz before falling asleep.

Morning came, of course, far earlier than I would have liked it to. Mornings are a real problem for me. I'm just not cut out for them. Sleeping until 1:00 makes me happiest. This is obviously by no means practical in any part of adult society, so I adapt and deal with it. But when Zoe's alarm went off to summon us to breakfast, we unanimously decided to text the guys and let them know that we were going to sleep in. Besides, I didn't want to see Breakfast Lady again, anyway.

Sleep vs. Getting Scolded. I wonder what wins?!

Eventually, we did get up and get ourselves put together, then we packed up the rest of our things. I had literally all of my luggage with me, so I had quite a few things to pack, since I have this tendency to kind of dig through my suitcase in search of something and end up throwing things everywhere (see also: my hotel room at every spanking party I've ever attended). When we did come downstairs, though, Breakfast Lady managed to give me a disapproving look. Apparently she had made some comments about my lack of breakfast consumption to John and Paul earlier. Her life must not be very exciting.

We then returned to the cold... I mean, to the studio, where we began my fourth consecutive day of shooting, this time for Triple A. The day began on the infinity curve again, with a sort of straight forward, introductory spanking.

Fun fact: that t-shirt is the one that I was wearing the very first time I got spanked, when I was eighteen. Nostalgia central!

It was a pretty nice spanking, and a good way to warm up for the day, so I was pretty pleased with it. When that was filmed, we moved on to start shooting some POV scenes for John's new site: POV Spanking. This stuff was a little bit more challenging to shoot, as it felt very unnatural to me. The idea of POV (point-of-view) is that it appears like the person watching the film is seeing what he would actually be seeing where he the one giving the spanking. This makes for a lot of non-traditional filming. I had to talk directly to the camera without hearing any lines back, and that just felt very awkward and difficult for me to time. I've been told that I did a pretty good job, though, so I hope that's the case. We shot a number of these scenes, experimenting with different positions and implements, as well as filming styles. I urge you all to go check out the clips if that's something that you're interested in. :)

It's getting late, so I'll continue this story in the next post.
I've covered an entire day! Winner! :P

Ok, on to my third and final post about my double shoot with Northern Spanking and AAA that took place... over a month ago (sheepish!).

Following our POV adventures, we shot a film that satisfies my fondness for cuteness and the ridiculous. It's a girl/girl pajama scene between me, Zoe and a giant stuffed bear. When I first saw that this giant bear existed in the studio, I knew that I wanted to lie over its lap. This is my brain we're talking about. That should probably be a given. I like bears a lot, and I love stuffed animals, and there's also this:

This is a page from the children's book "The Lonely Doll," which I discovered at the library when I was a young girl. It was the very first visual representation of a spanking that I ever saw, although I knew that I was obsessed long before that. It's been a very poignent memory for me, and on some level, I always wanted to get "spanked" by a teddy bear.

In the film that we did next, I got my chance for that! Some people think that this is a bit weird, but it's also gotten a lot of positive attention, so I guess I'm not the only one who really likes it.

We filmed a girl/girl scene between me and Zoe, where, as tends to be the case in scenes between Zoe and I, she is my peer and kind of a bully. We had a pajama pillow fight, and then I made fun of her giant bear (very uncharacteristic of me, obviously fueled by jealousy). We fought a bit, and she forced me over her lap and then spanked me, then went off and obtained a hairbrush which she also used quite thoroughly. At the end, she had me lie over the bear's lap, and she set it up so that it looked like the bear was spanking me. It was full of win.

BEAR SPANKS!

I really like filming with Zoe. She's incredibly creative, and her bullying and tormenting me is, well, pretty hot. It was a very good scene.

The next scene that we shot was another domestic one, in which I looked rather young indeed in a primary school uniform, and then I changed into PJ's. I was unfamiliar with this sort of uniform (a one piece, gingham dress) but it looked very, very young. This is unpublished, so there will be less about that one, but here's a still that John put on his blog:

Yay, nightshirts and scrunchy faces!

We then had lunch and took a little break before moving on to do more exciting adventures in me getting spanked. The next thing that we filmed was a two part school-girl film, which was a lot of fun. The plot was somewhat complicated, and it involved Zoe supervising me in detention (since she was a prefect and had to learn about how to properly beat awfully behaved girls) where I was being punished by Paul for being the worst exchange student from the US ever, and having stolen a bunch of "supplies" from the faculty Christmas party. I got to be kind of a little bitch in this scene, which is exciting. Paul responded to this by being truly antagonistic and mean. It was a different attitude than a lot of school films I've done, where the disciplinarian is meant to simply be a very nice person who happens to have to beat me. I felt like in this scene, we actually fought. At one point, he said "I don't like you at all, Reynolds," which is an attitude that felt really, really right for the scene, but I understand is delicate territory for some viewers. That made the scene appear very delightfully dark and non-consensual, and I adored that. I really like doing dark and kind of awful scenes with people who, in the real world, are lovely and close to me. The spanking hurt a lot, too, because at that point I was pretty toast from the previous few days, and I'm pretty sure that I broke into tears at one point (I haven't actually watched this yet, largely because I'm concerned that it is going to make me miss Paul a lot and I'll feel suddenly sad). The scene ended with me being put in the corner, which was possibly the worst part of the scene because in an unheated building in the English winter, corners are cold and miserable places. Once I'm cold and sniffling, Mr. Kennedy took off to go (I don't remember where) and left Zoe in charge of me, with instructions to punish me again if I dared to move. I'm sure you can't imagine what part two of this video is. :)

Paul is WAY too happy about the fact that he's about to beat me in this photo. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my face. I possibly laughing at him. :P

At some point during filming, I defiantly shoved a bunch of stuff and ended up throwing Paul's glasses on the floor. Oops. Even bratty-awful Alex had to apologize for that.

Once the second half of filming that was done, Zoe and I did another girl/girl scene together, which was pretty much one of the best spanking films ever made, I'd imagine. It involves me being a nieve, American Girl Scout attempting to attend a Girl Guides meeting and instead getting horribly tormented and molested by evil, awful Zoe. It gets kind of sexy (although not blatantly sexual) and has some hilarious lines in it. Plus, we look so cute:

We were meant to do a judicial caning scene after this, but I was exhausted and tired and just didn't have another full out beating left in me at that point, so I asked if we could do something else instead, about which everyone was extremely understanding. What we ended up doing instead was very lovely: a sweet, very consensual domestic scene between me and Paul. My smile in this photo is genuine: I felt very contented by this. It seemed like the perfect end to the day:

That's the end of the story of this shoot, finally. I have many more adventures from England coming soon, though. I want to briefly thank John (The Chief) for the fact that I cribbed about half or more of the photos included in this post directly from his post on the same subject. I appreciate your sharing, and having good photos of me. :)

It's time to continue with the narrative of my life, even though I'm still writing about stuff which happened in March and it's May now. I'm not going to lie: for various reasons, April was a kind of intense month for me and I didn't dedicate the amount of time and energy to the blog that I like to (and is expected of me!) so I am really going to make an effort to get caught up on things. Some of these posts won't be as detailed as they could have been if I'd been able to write about them right away, but I don't at all regret the way I've chosen to spend my time. I hope the stories are still enjoyable to you guys, despite the time-lag.

I wrote in an earlier post about how the start of my trip to England was very stressful. One of the things which had caused me a lot of concern was the fact that since due to horrible personal circumstances, I wasn't able to spend any of my time with Serious_Face, which had originally been a large part of my plan. Because of this, I ended up leaving my shoot in Derbyshire to go back to Paul Kennedy's house for a couple of days before I went to visit my very dear friend, Pandora Blake.

The time that I spent at Paul's house was really lovely. It was the first time I was in someone's home since I'd left Rafa's apartment in LA several weeks ago, and that was refreshing, and our time was unscheduled and very relaxed. More importantly, during the previous two days, I had discovered that I liked Paul an awful lot, and that we were very much on the same page about a lot of things. The more we discussed what aspects of this-thing-we-do were appealing and important to us, the more I noted that these things were very much in line. We spent quite a bit of time snuggling, we enjoyed a lot of sweet, rather affectionate play together and he generally looked after me. I'm often very resistant to being looked after: I firmly believe that I'm an adult and that I can and should look after myself. Letting someone else, especially someone who I had only recently gotten to know, care for me felt very vulnerable in a way that was very gratifying and, somewhat surprisingly to me, very submissive feeling. I still felt fairly shy and reserved, but the time we spent was filled with positive feelings. Safety and warmth and happiness.

At one point, we went to a cafe where we had to wait a very long time to get brunch because they accidentally gave our food to someone else(I didn't care in the slightest. I just liked sitting there and talking to him). You know how when you go out to eat sometimes they give you a number for your table, so that the person who brings your food out knows where to put it? This cafe did that in a way that made me giggle rather considerably:

Things like that, in a public setting, are enjoyably uncomfortable to me. I could hardly look at it straight on, yet I was infinitely pleased by it.

After that meal, there was cake. I know that you don't come to my blog to hear about delicious things that I ate, but screw you guys, this cake is worth talking about (Cakeboy will probably not judge me for this section, right?) . It was a glorious cake, full of cream and strawberries. I'm salivating just thinking about how damn good that cake was. Actually, I'm kind of making myself mad, because now I want to eat it again and I can't. :( It was one of the best things I've ever eaten. I'm not making that up. I like that cake.

I want this cake to be on a rainbow and in my mouth.

After those very pleasant and reenergizing couple of days, Paul took me up to London to stay at Pandora's. There was much rejoicing when we saw each other. It had been almost a year since we first met, and that was the only time we'd ever been together face-to-face. Pandora is someone that I got very close to over the internet. Besides the fact that we have a ton of fun being ridiculous together (as the stories that follow will show), I really enjoy being with her because we're able to have a certain kind of academic discourse without me feeling like I'm being a pretentious bastard. Upon me entering her home, however, we did not engage in discourse. Instead, we jumped up and down a lot and hugged vigorously. It was during this that I discovered that Pandora has a cat named Fatface. "I forgot to mention the cat," Pandora said, "but based on what I know of you, you aren't going to mind, right?"

Remember a minute ago when I was obsessed with that cake? That cake means nothing to me next to my feelings towards Fatface. Love at first site. Fatface is a big, beautiful cat. She's fluffy and mostly white, and most of the time, she gives zero fucks about what those weird humans are doing around her. The characteristics that make me like her more than the average cat (which I already like a lot) are as follows:

1) Fluffiness.

2) Passivity.

3) Facial expressions suggesting dissatisfaction with human company.

4) Adorable cat food (or "biscuits" as they are referred to in England) seeking behavior.

5) Fat.

6) Everything.

WTF, Alex. I came here to hear about spanking and all you want to talk about are cats and cake.

Eventually, Paul had to leave to go home, which made me a bit sad and would have made me a lot sadder if I wasn't so excited to be seeing Pandora, and if I wasn't going to see him again later in the month. I was going to come back down to his place for further shooting in the second half of my visit.

Pandora and I spent a lot of time catching up, and then we went to the grocery store to get food supplies for my visit. She recently started doing free-running (a fact which I find kind of really sexy) and had hurt her ankle doing it just before I arrived, so she was kind of hobbling around and we decided that walking a long distance wasn't wise and took the bus. At the store, I was introduced to a lot of foods that I wasn't familiar with, including cider in flavors like strawberry lime (which is pink!) and chocolate oranges. Pandora and I also discovered that we had very similar taste in food, which made things much easier. Being adventurous, we decided to get a dragon fruit, which I'd never had before, and some strange squash or gourd type vegetable that was advertised as being good for curry and sort of looked like a cross between a cucumber and an alligator. We had high hopes for these foods. The dragon fruit turned out to be a bit different than other fruit in that it isn't really all that juicy, nor is the flavor particularly strong, but it was very good.

Pandora and the dragon fruit.

The vegetable in question, however, turned out to be some sort of horrible monster vegetable that shouldn't be eaten under any circumstance. It was bitter and awful, and it TASTED like an alligator's skin looks. I think we nearly cried when we ate it, and we had to pick every bit of it out of our stir fry in order to make the rest of the vegetables edible. Sad. Day.

That was an aside, because I was talking about food. After we had finished at the store, we had a few drinks and then went to bed, but we didn't go to sleep. We stayed up for half the night talking about all sorts of things. We discovered that we had many things in common, including strange, highly personal things that we don't often talk about. It was a great bonding experience. We also were kind of ridiculous with our combined collection of stuffed animals. This night ended up being the inspiration for one of the scenes that we filmed together later in the week.

The next day, Pandora took me to some charity shops in her area, as I was lacking some of the items that I wanted to have with me due to traveling snafus. I didn't end up getting too many things that were practical, but I did get a blouse with cats on it, a pair of white (I mean bone) shoes and a pair of purple suede heels. Charity shops are different than thrift stores run by charities in the US, like Goodwill and Salvation Army, and poppin' tags is a different activity in England than it is here. The stores they have are far smaller, and the selection of items is different. In America, you can find anything at the thrift store, ranging from really trashy, old crap to high class stuff with the tags still on it. In England, everything has kind of already been preselected for quality, which is slightly sad to me, since I thrive on weird, awkward, ironic or geeky things that a lot of people wouldn't consider "quality." I still loved the shopping experience and was pleased with my purchases. I also realized that I had an ace in my hand for hipster oneupmanship now: when someone asks me where I got these things, I can say "Oh, I got it at the thrift store... IN ENGLAND." Ha. No copying me now, bitches!

That evening, Pandora and I somehow ended up in a competition to see who could finish posting to their blog first, which aided me quite a bit in actually getting this stuff done. Pandora, however, finished her post just slightly before I did. "I beat you to posting!" she said, "Now, I'm going to beat you in real life!"

The setting of additional rules to a competition after it's already been completed like that is tremendously unfair. When I have a certain kind of energy with someone, though, I find unfairness delightful, sort of like the way that YS consistently lies to me about how many strokes he's going to give me and that somehow ends up with me being happy.

Pandora offered me a warmup, which I gladly accepted, and then put me over her lap and spanked me with her hand. It had been a long time since I was spanked by Pandora, and I was glad it was happening again. I don't feel entirely submissive towards her, so to speak, but I do feel passive towards her in play, and I enjoy her receiving her Toppiness, and I was very comfortable with her occupying Boss-space for the moment (more information on WTF "bossing" actually means to me coming in a later post). It felt sort of invigorating and exciting to be getting spanked by her. Once I was thoroughly warm, she directed me up onto her sofa for a whacking with a fairly big, leather paddle. I cuddled up to her stuffed dog, Fred, who is known as "Drop Dog" due to his ability to drop onto your head. "Comfort her well, Drop Dog!" Pandora instructed, "she's going to need it!" (I liked that quite a bit, too). She gave me a spanking that was neither severe nor serious, but still hurt enough, and put me in a giggly, happy, nicely spanked mood. (You can read Pandora's side of this story here.)

Thanks, Pandora and Drop Dog!

It turns out that Pandora and I ended up playing together off camera quite a bit, and this pleased me a great deal. Sometimes the space was lighthearted, and once it was mildly corrective: I smacked her with The Heavy Bear (from "The Bear Incident"), after she knew quite well that I was seriously forbidden from "assaulting" my friends, even (especially?) with bears. We were already in bed, but her response was very quick. She sat up and pushed me down and started to smack my bottom fairly thoroughly while I whimpered and apologized for my bear-violence. Then she got up from the bed, and I turned out of position. "Oh no, don't go anywhere!" she warned. "You're not done!" She retuned with a wooden hairbrush, which she gave me twenty whacks with before forgiving me for my little outburst and snuggling down for the night.

Side note: Hitting people with that bear falls into a certain category of bad behavior, along with picking on Mila Kohl: I know it's bad, I get corrected for it all the time, but there's just some insatiable desire in me that prevents me from ever being able to stop doing it. Both activities are just so satisfying. Mila is probably fortunate that she has never been in the same place as me when I had that bear, or else I might have clobbered her to death with it if the power of these two tempting misbehaviors combined. 0_0

Pandora and I also shared a more serious scene later on in the week, in which I was much more vulnerable than I had previously been in any of our kink interactions. I was worrying about something, like I am known to do, and I was feeling detached from my D/s dynamics back at home. I was generally a bit moody and out of sorts because of it, and felt a little less than secure. Company was arriving soon, and I wanted to be perky and cheerful for them, but it was kind of a struggle to get myself back where I belonged. I talked to Pandora a bit, and she asked me rather straightforwardly if I needed a spanking.

Yes. Yes, I did.

There's something particularly comforting to me about that phrasing as a way to initiate a scene, especially if I'm having some sort of emotional situation. It's largely about semantics. "Do you need a spanking, Alex?" makes me feel instantly taken care of. I think that the question format of this is particularly pleasing to me because it requires me to openly admit to what I need and desire in that situation, and doing that often clears my head and gives me focus (as well as being a lovely way to guide me onto the path of active submission). There's also a feeling of some level of concern for me: there has never been a situation where someone that cared about me asked that and I felt that it wouldn't have been perfectly acceptable for me to say "no" if that wasn't actually what I wanted (although me not wanting to be spanked when offered is usually a sign that I'm either horrendously overtired, drunk or need to be taken to the hospital). The similar question: "Do you want a spanking?" does much less for me as a positive trigger because it feels very casual ("Hey, wanna get spanked? Cool.") and because it just seems like a very obvious question. Am I awake/sober/healthy? Then probably, yes, I do. "Need" is a word that can be a bit loaded sometimes. There's a large part of me that doesn't want to admit to needing anything, but if someone else brings the word up first, it feels good to me, like it's been made acceptable for me to have needs. I understand that this is a very complex breakdown of a simple sentence, but these sorts of things are interesting to me. I'm curious if any other bottom-types have similar thoughts on these sorts of phrases, too.

I was slightly reluctant to accept, simply because I didn't want Pandora to feel like she had to look after me, and because my emotional state involved worrying about being a burden to people, but she reassured me and then took me over her lap while she was seated on the corner of the sofa (so it was more of an "in a chair OTK" than an "on the sofa OTK" in terms of positioning and I tried to relax myself. She spanked me with an atmosphere that felt corrective but not chastising. It was quite spot on for the headspace I needed: I didn't feel like I was being treated as though I'd done something wrong, but I did feel disciplined, as in I felt like I was existing in the comfortable space of being given the necessary structure and care. It was one of the rare moments where I felt as if I could understand the difference between "discipline" and "punishment", even if I never grabbed onto it enough to properly articulate it here. Physically, the spanking was appropriately thorough. Pandora used her hand throughout, but still produced some squeals and gasps. I didn't feel a need to struggle, although it was firm and did hurt. I just felt a safe calmness, and the feeling of my internal centering being restored. When she finished, we hugged and I expressed my gratitude. It had been lovely and kind of her. :)

That night, I got spanked one more time, although not by Pandora. She did, however, totally set it up. The company that arrived that evening consisted of Nimue Allen and Thomas Cameron, coming to spend the night so we'd be able to get up early and start shooting the next day. I had made it obvious to Pandora that I was interested in potentially playing with Tom before we shot together (I like doing that, in general, if it's possible, and I'd seen a lot of pictures of Tom that had sort of piqued my interest). She then suggested that I might need to be spanked again later in the night when my comments got slightly inappropriate later in the evening. This was largely just used as an initiating device: the spanking that I got didn't really feel disciplinary. It did feel quite good, though, in a painful sort of way. I went over Tom's lap while Nimue and Pandora watched, and he spanked me quite firmly with his hand, including spanking the entirety of the backs of my thighs. He used his hand effectively, and it hurt a lot. I wasn't sure exactly how it was going to go, but it ended up being a very fully formed scene: he kept going at increasing intensity until I broke past whimpering and into sniffling and moved into proper crying. That was a fairly rare thing: outside of a video, it's rare for someone to make me cry the first time I play with them (legends of me crying every time I get spanked are gross overstatements). I think that it worked because there was no expectation set that this would happen. Very often, when someone sets out to make me cry, they are not successful. It jinxes it. This time, it just happened, and it felt right and good.
Afterwards, there were, of course, cuddles.

Dear Pandora, I stole this off your blog. Love, Alex.

This seems like a very good place to wrap up this post, as the next day we shot, and that will be a whole other thing to talk about.

After the adventures involved in my last post, Pandora Blake, Thomas Cameron, Nimue Allen and I prepared for a day of shooting for Dreams of Spanking. Dreams of Spanking is one of my favorite spanking sites. This was my second shoot for it, and my first "full" one. We'd only done a couple of scenes in the past, during the Texas All State Spanking Party last year. I was excited to get to do some more involved scenes, including some with interesting costumes and sets. Nimue wasn't in any of the scenes: she was doing the camera work and other production elements, and we were filming for her site, Nimue's World, the next day.

The first film that we shot was loosely based on our real life behavior the first night I arrived at Pandora's house: we were meant to go to sleep, but instead we kept staying up and talking and giggling loudly. This scene also prominently featured our stuffed animals, who were the ones keeping us up and making all the noise in the first place (or so we insisted). Tom played a kind enough but stern guardian figure who was pretty annoyed by our insistance on being noisy, and spanked and strapped both of us in the morning. We tried to get our punishment lessened by wearing adorable, matching cat underwear, but as is usually the case with these things, this was entirely unsuccessful. I really like the stills I've seen from this set (all previews, since it is as of yet not released) because of how aesthetically pleasing I find Pandora and I when we're naked together. We have very similar shapes, and I think that looks great.

There's a lot of matching in this photo

The second film that we did was interesting because it used creative camera work and had a unique point of concept. This video is currently available on Dreams, and's called "Alex's POV." It features a lot of shots which show what I can see during the spanking: shots taken as I turn over my shoulder and my own view of my bottom in a mirror propped up near us. This scene was great to film, because our characters were very nearly ourselves, and that's always a relaxed environment for me. I also like it because it's fairly physically intense while still being entirely done with Tom's hand: hard hand spanking is always a winning combination in my book. Furthermore, there was something sweet about the scenario: in some ways, it was similar to the spanking that Pandora had given me in my real life the night before: in the film, Tom suggests that a spanking would make me feel better about my less than ideal behavior while I was overseas. He's not meant to be my Dominant, just an affectionate friend who is stepping up and filling that role while no one else was around to. It was lovely to be able to watch the spanking in the mirror: that made it much more intense for me. You can read Pandora's writing about this film here.

Watching this movie after the fact, I was pretty pleased with the way that this captured the actual experience of the spanking. It was the video that I've watched myself in which was closest to my actual memory of the event. It also had a very intimate feeling surrounding it.

The next thing that we shot was a photoset to celebrate the Pagan holiday Beltane, or the rites of spring. This involved Pandora dressing me in a beautiful period costume and the use of lots of props, including real mead in the horn. I got to wear flowers in my hair and I loved my outfit, so it very much appealed to the "dressing up to make a fantasy real" side of things. The unfortunate part of this, though, was that it was March in England, which isn't a time when the weather is nice. It was grey and rainy out, and being outdoors with my shoes off and my skirt lifted wasn't exactly warm. In case I haven't complained about this enough on my blog, I don't enjoy being cold, or undressed in the cold, or getting hit with things in the cold. Still, I liked the idea enough that I soldiered on with it (no one forced me to go out and do it: I just got thru it by complaining a lot because I did actually want to). These pictures came out beautifully, and I love looking at them. These are my two favorites.

I think that whole set is just beautiful, and I was excited to do my first historical shoot.

I then had to get warm, because I was quite chilled, so we came inside and I put a bunch of fluffy things on above my costume:

Oh hey, I'm never ridiculous! Ha.

The next set that we filmed is, as of yet, unreleased, but it was really hot. I mentioned to Pandora during the creative process that I was getting really into doing dark, awful and non-consensual scenes. This is something I'll talk about more later, as it's been part of the shift that's happened in terms of me accepting what a huge variety of things I like in the scene. Pandora and I then started scheming up a darker scene, and the one we came up with involved me as a journalist about to blow the whistle on some unethical behavior being tormented by two quite villainous corporate figures: Tom and Pandora. I liked the awfulness of the film. It was just hot. I got to genuinely crying pretty quickly, especially when they co-topped me.

Poor me!

Here's a photo of me having been spanked, in heels, stockings and a "suspender belt". You're welcome.

The next scene was one of the most hilarious ones to film in my personal history as a spanking model. The plot was simple and based on Pandora's real life: I played a character based on Pandora who is keeping a cat in her apartment against the terms of her lease. The landlady comes by to check up, and I hurriedly rush the cat into the bathroom and shut the door. Unfortunately, I leave a toy mouse under the pillow (and Fatface has shed everywhere) and the clever landlady (played by Pandora) figures out my scheme and responds with a spanking. This ended up being so funny because I actually had to cart Pandora's cat (aka the love of my life) around for the video. I have trouble sometimes because many of the photographers that I've worked with in the past have directed me to look directly into the camera instead of looking past it, or making eye-contact with someone else in the frame, et cetera. Most spanking producers don't want this: they want things to look more natural. I've tried to train myself to look in the places that look the best on film, but I often still forget. "Don't look into the camera, Alex!" Pandora reminded me as we were shooting the stills for this set.

Fatface gives 0 fucks about your directions.

I laughed so goddamn hard at the way that cat stared down the camera. I still LOL when I see this picture months later. It's just way too funny. The first time we saw this, Pandora, Nimue and I laughed until tears were literally rolling down our faces. Here's another angle:

Fuck you, guys.

The actual spanking was a bit neat, since we used one of my personal implements. This was the first time I've ever done this on film, and in this case, it was the wooden spoon called "Warren" which is part of the "Trinity of Terror" (or, the three worst things I get hit with on a regular basis). There was something personal and kind of exciting about this.

Pandora is so freaking hot.

We wrapped up the day's filming with another one of the best things I've ever been involved in, in and out of a spanking video: #sofafort. We built the best softafort ever made in Pandora's living room. The shape of her couch made it much easier than it could have been, since it's a sectional. We covered it with blankets and propped the middle up with a broom. It looked incredibly fucking awesome.

We then filmed an adorable ageplay video inside and around it, where Pandora and I are dressed in cute pajamas (I'm in my bunny romper and she's in my bunny pajamas, because we needed a lot of pink bunny stuff and therefore looked to my wardrobe :D). We actually filmed INSIDE the sofa fort, including Pandora spanking me as sort of play acting, and then Tom coming in and finding that we've built a fort instead of tidying up for company and discipling us while bent over the fort with a pair of pretty hard hairbrush spankings. It stung like a son of a bitch, and I kicked and wailed in a pretty pathetic manner. We were then told that we had to dismantle the fort and get ready for company. Sad. Day.

After we finished filming Tom had to go, but Nimue was spending the night so we left the fort up for a while and hung out inside, talking and snacking on chips and hummus. Then we had some cider and filmed our video blog. It was an awesome day. :D

The day after filming for Dreams of Spanking, Nimue, Pandora and I got up and got ready for another day of adventures in pornography: this time for Nimue's World. In case you aren't familiar with the site, Nimue's World is a mixed fetish site with quite a bit of spanking content. It has other BDSM stuff, bondage, exhibitionism, girl sex and other good stuff mixed in, too. I honestly didn't know a lot about the site before Nimue asked me to shoot for it. I just knew that Pandora had filmed for it previously. I looked at a lot of the preview materials before shooting, though, and decided that I liked the feel of it. It seems to emphasize the feeling of playtime, and it's often very visually obvious to me that the people filming on the site like each other (sometimes, for some of the more horrible stuff, there's a behind the scenes clip to make this more obvious) and I find that very comforting. As a model, it's important to my content-viewing-enjoyment to feel that a site is overall positive about itself, its content and its cast, and I certainly got this vibe the first time that I viewed Nimue's site.

Nimue and I filmed two videos and did three photosets. The first scene was one that Nimue wrote based on some of my preferences that I told her about during our pre-shooting email exchanges. Specifically, I told her that I like force, roughness and clothes ripping. I don't think that these are things that people tend to associate with me, so I'm going to diverge for a minute here.

My primary, ideal kink scene is something that I think everyone who has read this blog for more than five minutes can probably identify: I like pretty domestic spanking scenes that mix affection, trust, vulnerability and physical intensity more than I like anything else. That's at the very heart of my kink experience. All of the scenes that I'm interested in doing involve spanking in some way (or, for those who don't consider it the same thing, involve beating me on the thighs. That's nearly as important to my kink as traditional spanking is). There are a ton of other "kinds" of spanking scenes that also appeal to me, though. Role-play scenes. Ridiculous scenes. Super formal things. I like lots of variety, but for a long time, I was hesitant to explore physically rougher (in terms of handling) and emotionally darker scenes. At some point fairly recently, some switch flipped and I discovered that I found this to be delightful. I started testing the water with slightly less emotionally comfortable stuff from time to time, and it exhilarated me. This is a theme that I'll discuss at more length later in my narrative, because there's an episode in which it's more relevant, but for now, I came up with the idea of having my clothes all ripped off and I was excited that Nimue included it.

I like this (in an obviously consensual environment) because it feels like it's high on the scale of roughness, impatient, horrible, rapey. The scene that Nimue wrote was a bullying one, and I like that, too. It's a scenario I've only ever explored during videos (well, on the receiving end, anyway. There are certain individuals who might claim that I am occasionally a bully to Mila). It works out pretty well for me, though. It allows me to play with my peers in a way that's rough but which makes logical sense as to why the authority is set up. I like it because the authority is set up by force. That's the name of the game. Nimue's bullying scene set us at school. She was dressed in uniform, but because it was my first day, I just had on a dress and knee socks. I hadn't received my uniform yet. Nimue told me to go get her book that she'd forgotten but needed for class, as part of the fine tradition of older, more experienced students bossing newbs around. I refused, unaware of said traditions. Nimue responded by bringing it: she pulled me to the floor by her hair, wrestled around with me, shoved me, ripped my dress off (it ripped gloriously, like it was designed to be torn off. It was kind of epic) and then started to slap me around. She spanked me, including doing it in very non-traditional positions and she rolled me over and slapped me on the breasts. This was pre-negotiated, although I'd never done it before.

Holy. Shit. That hurt.

It was a humbling experience to be hit in a way that was totally different than what I was used to and what fit into my kink picture. I often see myself as being a pretty heavy player. I've taken some epic beatings in my day. When I'm well, in a secure environment and playing with someone I love, I've never actually found an upper limit of what I can tolerate in terms of spanking. This reminded me that I'm not actually all that physically tough: I'm just good at taking spankings. As odd as it may sound, it felt really nice and refreshing to be reminded of that. It made me tremendously vulnerable, but I felt safe and trusting towards everyone who was around me. But every slap, even though entirely not hard compared to what I was used to, took my breath away. I was shocked by how much it hurt. That section was mercifully short, though, and we returned to things I could take properly. The whole scene ended up being really hot, and chock full of the kind of awful that I've come to adore.

The second thing we shot was a bondage photoset. Nimue did a wonderful job tying me, and I like the way the photos came out. It was Nim's idea that I wear my glasses for it and I liked the look: super dorky naked girl all tied up. What's not to love? Pandora did the photography, and I think she did a lovely job as well.

Following this, we moved into the bedroom to do a wonderfully sexy film entitled "Best Girlfriend Ever." This film has me and Pandora together, with her as my Domly girlfriend. I've decided to experiment with self-bondage and have gotten myself trapped in a very vulnerable position-- with my feet up, basically in a diaper position.

Pandora comes in and catches me and chastises me for not being safe, as well as for keeping my desires to experiment with bondage to myself instead of asking her to tie me up. I try to explain that I was doing it to surprise her. She responds by spanking me with her hand and then a leather paddle, and also gives me a number of slaps on my breasts while they're bound in a rope harness. In my opinion, Pandora made this scene crazily hot. There's a lot of sexual energy between us in the film (and it's genuine, she and I are involved off camera) and it's really wonderful. I'm going to eventually write about the way that my relationship between kink and sexuality has evolved (and the ways in which it hasn't changed at all) since I haven't really addressed that recently, but let's just say I enjoyed doing this. :)

Our next project was a photo set in which I got to wear my fabulous bunny romper (a gift from my scene sister Betty Crocker) again. In this scene, Nimue brushed and braided my hair while I threw a tantrum about it, resulting in me experiencing the far less pleasant side of the hairbrush. I'm not going to lie: throwing a tantrum while someone is playing with my hair is counter intuitive. I love having my hair touched in just about any way: tender playing, brushing, rough horribleness, it all works for me. I had to think of all sorts of horribly unfair things in order to inspire my tantrumy faces.

I think that these pictures are incredibly sweet and adorable. How can you not say "Awww?"

The final thing we did was a stripping photoset, which Nimue suggested that we do outside. I agreed to this, although I made her shoot it pretty quickly because fuck being cold. I do like being naked in the outdoors, although I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have it the weather had been warm. Nimue was pretty effective with it, and I tried my best to do minimal whining. :P

That was the end of the day's work. All of the sets have been put up on Nimue's World, so I recommend checking them out. I've watched them all at least a couple of times, as well as having perved on a bunch of the other content on her site, especially her spanking content. It's good stuff. I like Nimue a lot, and I hope to film with her again in the future. ♥

After having finished the two very exciting shoots that I wrote about in my last couple of posts, I spent a few more days with Pandora. The time that we spent just hanging out was always fun and enjoyable. We did sessions and had fun together. A huge portion of this involved me picking up her cat and not putting her down when she wanted me to. :P Eventually, though, Pandora needed to get back to the rest of her life, and I was meant to go visit S_F at this point. Unfortunately, his situation horrible personal situation had not improved, and he was unable to come get me or host me at his house. I actually didn't end up seeing him at all, the entire time I was in England. Instead, Paul Kennedy and Lucy McLean were kind enough to agree to host me for the rest of the time that I was there. This ended up being basically the best thing ever.

Paul came to pick me up from Pandora's, and we all had some tea and cake (although just regular cake, not Cake of Ultimate Joy™) before I had to say goodbye to her. I knew I wasn't going to see her until BBW, which was about a month away, and this was sad for me, because I knew I was going to miss her. I hugged her a lot, and I harassed her cat as much as I could before I had to leave. As disappointing as it was to have to leave Pandora, I was excited that I was going to get to spend more time with Paul. I had found myself thinking about him pretty consistently since I left his house, and I was happy that I'd be seeing more of him.

When we returned to his house, I got to see his wife, Lucy, who I had only briefly met at Shadowlane last year. Lucy wasn't feeling well that night, but being the horrible influence on my innocent friends that I am, I somehow managed to keep us up until the early morning chatting. Lucy is one of the coolest people to talk to ever, because she knows about an infinite number of things that I don't know about, mostly lady things, and because she never makes me feel stupid or annoying when I have to ask a hundred and fifty questions about something. Additionally, she's extremely kind, and I knew as soon as we finally got to sit down and socialize a bit that I really, really liked her and enjoyed being around her.

It's hard for me to pinpoint the details of the time that I spent at their house and put it all in order. As before, I felt very relaxed and at ease while there, and the environment made me feel really free to be myself. Paul and I got to scene together pretty regularly, as well as just spending normal time together, and I found myself feeling very affectionate towards him-- I think I spent the majority of the free time that I had while I was at their house cuddled up to him on the sofa. While it didn't feel much of anything like the other D/s relationships that I've had, at one point or another I realized that I felt very submissive towards him, in a way that made me feel tremendously safe. Some kind of buffer of safety and comfort built up around me as we spent time together, and even though we're away from each other now, it's never gone away. In certain ways I felt tremendously shy about it, but I was slowly realizing that this feeling was greater than just affection, or caring or any other words that I might use to describe it aside from love (spoiler alert, we're in a relationship now). But I didn't entirely come to this conclusion until after I had returned home. At the moment, it was just a very happy time, in a place and with people that made me feel very contented.

One day near the beginning of this particular chapter of my never-ending adventure, Paul took me into London for what was kind of originally meant to be a variety of tourism events including hanging out at Camden Lock and shopping, but which turned into exclusively that, because I was so enthralled by it. It was cold and kind of constantly rainy, but I just loved walking around and checking out everything. If you don't know, it's an area that's full of kind of alternative stores and vendors and it's by the waterfront. I obtained several adorable things here, including a couple of excessively cute bunny related things and my very own prefect badge, which is something I've always wanted. In a vintage store, I found and got to try on some actual school uniform blazers (the fancy type) but none of them actually fit me, largely because they were all designed for boys of various ages. It was still super cool to wear, and I hope that some day I actually can find a real, legitimate one that fits me properly.

I have this bunny shirt now. Also, this photo was taken at 13:37. Hawt.

Shortly after this, a series of events that I now refer to as The Camden Pancake Incident took place. During this incident, Paul got me a pancake from a street vendor. This was basically a sweet crepe, and, for Angelinos, it was served sort of similarly to the ones that I used to get at Four Leaf: folded up on itself in a paper cone. I got it nutella, strawberries and whipped cream, which was basically the best combination of things I could think of, and it was hot when it was handed to me, which pleased me greatly due to my constant state of being kind of cold in England. "Don't make a mess," Paul warned me as I started to eat it, and I kind of responded with "Yeah, of course, obviously" or something.

I then proceeded to make a bigger mess than I have ever made in my entire adult life.

Because the pancake was hot, all the nutella and whipped cream melted together into some sort of drippy, creamy, chocolatey goo that got everywhere. It got all over my coat. It got all over my dress. It got all over my socks and shoes. It dripped in a trail behind me. It got into my hair. I probably got it on Paul. It was just impressively messy. I tried to clean as much of it up with napkins as possible, but that had limited success. I was just a sticky mess for the rest of the day. Later, when we got back to the house and I changed to go to bed, I discovered that I had somehow gotten it on my skin under my dress and on my underwear, which doesn't even seem to follow the laws of physics to me.

Sigh. I'm an adult, I promise.

That evening, we went to a bar where I got to meet Leia-Ann Woods for the first time. She was really peppy and very entertaining to talk to, and I was excited that we'd be getting to see each other again at Boardwalk Badness Weekend the next month. On every occasion that we've been together, I've failed to take a photo. F - -.

That evening ended in a lovely way, as Paul and I went to dinner, and then took the train back to his town (on which I was very sleepy). The adventure finished with taking a midnight ferry ride, which was theoretically really enticing to me, but ended up being super cold. Fortunately, Paul took me upstairs to a giant heat vent, which I stood under and filled my happiness meter.

That weekend, we filmed for Northern Spanking. I often go thru and give a long play-by-play which describes the scenes that were filmed during a shoot, but this particular one is under-wraps. I'll just say the following things:

* Besides me and Paul, the films involves Stephen Lewis, Michael Stamp and Zoe Page. There's something incredibly, indulgently enjoyable about having four tops all to oneself.

* At one point, I wore this fancy outfit, courtesy of Lucy, who besides being amazing herself has all the most amazing stuff to wear ever:

* While we were planning out one of the scenes, Paul sat in this tiny chair, and I think this is the most endearing photo ever.

* Zoe dressed up as a cat and I somehow still managed to take her somewhat seriously.

* It became obvious to everyone that I don't really know my left from my right particularly well and that I'm horrible at singing.

* Some parts of this were ridiculous.

The final adventure that I shall detail in this post involves Primark. I don't think most people in the US know what Primark is, unless they've been around me recently and have asked me where I bought something I was wearing. Primark is a stylish ("fashion forward" I think is the term) but inexpensive store in England. A lot of the styles that they had were very "me." They had an enormous selection of underwear and pajamas.

I bought all the things.

So. Many. Things.

I'm almost ashamed to post a photo, because I feel like it makes me look a little awful, but I'm going to anyway.

This was only the first day. I went back. -_-

Lucy and Zoe took me, and they were the best people I've ever shopped with. They were never annoyed at me for spending so much time, and they helped me try things on, and they told me when things did or didn't look good on me, they carried stuff around, they took stuff into the dressing room for me... it was just amazing. Lucy fitted me for bras and I finally got some that looked appropriate on me AND are comfortable. The second trip involved me learning what kind of jeans actually don't make me look stupid, and I've actually taken to wearing them fairly regularly (one of those developments in my personality that some people continue to be flabbergasted by). After the shopping adventure, I tried on literally everything in a fashion show, including every single pair of panties that I bought, which I think numbered at least 50. This whole "Alex bought all the things" event lead to me being kind of annoying to my friends at home when they want to know where I got something, because basically all the clothes I wear now come from this exhibition. This also lead to me promising not to shop for two months after coming back from England, which lead to me consistently getting myself a variety of forms of trouble, but most of that is another story.

There will only be one more post about England after this, and then I will post rather briefly about BBW, and then I have a few more adventures to describe before I am all caught up. PROGRESS! ♥

As my time in England drew to a close, I felt a certain sense of sadness drawing on me. While my trip had begun with me hating everything and desperately wanting to be home, the thought of leaving now made my heart heavy. Of course I was looking forward to seeing everyone that I hadn't for so long, but it didn't stop my other feelings. I was made more sensitive and vulnerable than I usually am (so, that's saying something!) by the combination of this and a stressful situation that was going on back in the states. Everyone remained very patient with me, though and I got to have several more exciting adventures before the day did arrive when I had to leave.

One day, close to the end of my visit, Paul took me for a walk on the shore. Having grown up by the sea, I'm always fascinated by visiting beaches that are different than the New Jersey coastline that I identify in my mind when I hear the word "ocean." It was very different: the waves were small and choppy, but without foam, the water seemed to be a different hue, and the beach itself was made up of a mixture of tiny rocks and broken shells.

And sailboats.

Being by the water is linked to the majority of my positive childhood memories, and it's a setting that brings me back to a happy part of my mind, making me feel small, but in an entirely comfortable way. Paul held my hand as we walked along, although I constantly stopped to pick up tiny seashells. These shells are precious to me, now, and I always have one of them in the pocket of my favorite sweater, and just running my fingers over it reminds me of that buffer I talked about before: safety, comfort and love. I later discovered that one of them has a hole in it naturally, so I stuck it on a chain and often wear it as a necklace.

Shell necklace, as seen around my neck in this photo from the other day by Amoni.

Another fun experience happened when Zoe came over and spent the night (along with two other girls who I didn't really know) and mass girliness ensued. It was lovely to hang out in a group of people, where we chatted and drank champagne while Lucy dyed one of the other girls' hair, but the part of the evening that mostly stands out in my mind was once Zoe and I were meant to go to bed. She was staying in the same room as me, and in the time honored tradition of any two girls spending a night together that usually don't, we stayed up extremely late chatting. We kept giggling and then remembering to be quiet and whispering for a moment, and then someone would say something that would make the other gasp and we'd forget and get noisy again. We talked about all kinds of things, including how we got into the scene and how we both started filming, and we shared awkward but funny stories and even a few personal secrets. Eventually, we went to sleep, but not without several false starts of "Okay, we really have to go to bed now!""Alex! It's three! Go to sleep!""Zoe! Stop talking!"

The next morning, Zoe painted my nails for me. She's into nail art, and I asked her to do Pikachu faces for me, which she gladly and successfully did. I found this to be the most delightful thing that has ever happened to my hands (in a few days you will hear about the least delightful thing that has ever happened to my hands). I'm still impressed with how cute they are. It was a sad day when I eventually had to take them off.

Zoe Page is the most awesome ever.

I think it was the next day that I left Paul and Lucy's house. Paul took me to another town, where we were both filming for Bars and Stripes on the day before I had to leave to go back. I was quite sad to leave, and I said my goodbyes to Lucy then, although I would be seeing her at BBW as well.

Shooting for Bars was incredibly fun for me. There was the fact that there were a ton of people that I liked all on set together: Paul, Stephen and Zoe all topped me (I got to be the center of lots of tops' attention again! Bonus!) and Michael was filming. We were filming at Dodgy Dave's place, and he was around and assisting, and I got to know him a bit. It was just a lovely group of people, and a wonderful way to end my visit. I also loved the content that we filmed. I mentioned before that I've recently gotten more into doing "dark and horrible" scenes. At some point, I realized that as much as I love the sweet and innocent stuff, or the very consensual play that I engage in at home, as much as I relish in the good feeling of being beaten by someone with affection for me, there's something that I find positively invigorating about scenes with non consensual themes. I've gotten very fond of abuses of power, force, pressure, terrible unfairness, power held via intimidation rather than respect and so on (in role play, of course). The content that we filmed for Bars was all about that stuff. There was no "you're really a good girl, we care about you quite a bit, but you're going to get spanked anyway." In it's place was a general sense of nastiness, authority figures who disliked me and were very liberal with their force, yelling, shouting back and forth at each other, manhandling, trickery and sleeping on the floor with only a blanket. Again, whenever I say that I'm getting into something new, I don't mean that my interest in this replaces anything that I was previously into, or is more important than that which I traditionally liked all of the sudden. It's just an expansion of my taste to include additional things, or a growth of my set of options.

I originally kind of imagined that there would be something uncomfortable about filming this sort of stuff with people who were my favorite people in real life, like I wouldn't be able to take their scariness seriously. In actuality, it was probably only as awesome as it was because of the fact that I knew and trusted everyone involved. It was delightful to step so far outside of myself that I was in a world where I was fearful and angry towards these people one moment, and then, as soon as we cut, I immediately started snuggling them. I trusted everyone enough that there was no real emotional discomfort when things got intense. I just felt very secure, and delighted by the darkness of the scenes. I don't mean to say that any of the stuff we filmed was vicious. It just wasn't "nice." But it was hot. All of it felt wonderful to do.

The final scene that I filmed in England was a double caning from Paul and Stephen, and it was probably the best film to finish with. I've always been kind of infatuated by the idea of co-topping, and I hadn't had a lot of chances to do well developed scenes of that nature before this trip. I was lucky enough to get to do two of them: the scene I'm discussing and one for Dreams of Spanking where I got double strapped by Pandora Blake and Thomas Cameron. Both of these scenes were delightful. Besides all the things I've just discussed above, there were two things about this scene that really stood out to me. One was the fact that for part of it, the two Tops were kind of chatting amongst themselves about things unrelated to the work at hand (that is to say, unrelated to caning me). I found this to be horribly dismissive and objectifying in a way that was incredibly appropriate to the scene and was also thrilling. The other moment which stands out to me was near the end of the scene when I was made to thank Officer Kennedy for beating me. This stands out in my mind because it made me aware of just how deeply into my character role I'd gotten and how much a different atmosphere can change the way things feel to me. In "real life," it feels entirely normal to thank someone for spanking me. I throw it out spontaneously in the middle of a scene sometimes when something hurts in a way that makes me particularly submissive. If I was prompted to thank someone at the end of the scene, I might feel slightly sheepish that I hadn't remembered to do it on my own without reminding, the way that I feel when someone has to remind me to rinse my bowl before putting it in the sink. In this scene, it was horrible. It was enraging. It was tremendously humiliating. I refused. I would not. That's a rotten, awful thing to ask of a person, and only a terrible man would demand such a thing, thought my in-character brain. Eventually, of course, I did, but it was bitter.

Then the scene was done, and I felt incredibly high. Filled with positive emotion and endorphins. Elevated by having gone to such a place in my brain. Having been co-topped meant that I had an excuse to force two people to hug me instead of one (although, really, with this group of people I didn't need an excuse or force ^_^).

And then we were finished filming, and I felt sad again. My adventure was ending. It was almost over.
That night was melancholy to me, but very nice. We went out to dinner at a pub all together, and Zoe and I got excessively big ice creams, just like we had the first night, when Paul had picked me up and taken us up to Derbyshire. We all bantered back and forth, told stories and laughed as we relaxed from the day's work. Eventually, it was time for everyone else to go home except for Paul and I, who were spending the night at Dodgy Dave's place, as I'd be going to the airport early in the morning. At some point, I had started to get sick. I thought perhaps I was allergic to something in the air, although I later discovered that I was actually just getting a cold. Anyway, I sneezed and my nose ran basically the rest of the night, which made me feel kind of silly and awkward. Despite this, that evening stands out in my mind as one of the sweeter ones ever. Paul looked after me in a way that was firm but extremely affectionate, and I melted into that feeling. We went up to bed fairly early, as I had to get up in the morning and that's not something that's ever easy for me, and then he sat on the bed, put me over his lap and spanked me lovingly for a terrifically long time. I imagined that the entire world was that moment, so that I wouldn't worry about it being over, and melted into some quiet space in my mind where I was delicate and vulnerable but very well protected. This was, of course, interrupted by my constant sneezing, but that really didn't bother me much. This was good.

When the spanking was over, my bottom was buzzing with heat, but the rest of me felt entirely relaxed.
"How do you feel?" he asked me.
"Vulnerable. Safe. Happy." I answered, my voice difficult to find and control.
"Good," he said. "Do you want to know how I feel?" I nodded. "Wonderful," he said.

After that, I snuggled up against him and tried to fall asleep. It almost pleased me that I kept sniffling and keeping myself up, because I liked being awake in that moment, floating in some relaxed, half awake snuggle state. Eventually, though, I slept.

In the morning, Paul took me to the airport, where I we ate breakfast together before I had to get on my plane and leave. Somehow, I managed not to cry until I was in flight, where I snuck into the bathroom to do it. It was okay, though. I knew I'd be back. ♥

Although plenty of time passed between my return to the United States and my trip to BBW (in fact, nearly a month, I think) I'm trying to get caught up on things, so I'm going to focus on the most important parts of my adventures. The "problem" with my life is that I have had so many adventures recently that by the time I finish recounting one, I have gone off on at least another. For example, I'm currently in the middle of what is perhaps my favorite adventure I've ever embarked on, and I'm still a full month behind on my story telling. So, the best thing for me to do is to push forward and focus on the best parts. :)

In the middle of April, I left for New York to visit my surviving biological brother and shoot for Kelly Payne's Tantrum Trainers before heading down to Atlantic City for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. I used to live in the New York area when I was a bit younger, and I grew up between Upstate New York and Southern New Jersey, so both places were a bit of a homecoming. My New York schedule was very tight packed indeed, and I didn't really do a lot of socializing or visiting except with my brother. The most important thing that I did in New York was eat pizza. I did this literally every day that I was there. Growing up with the finest pizza on Earth really spoiled me, and going off into the world to discover that it kind of sucked everywhere else was the hugest disappointment that came with leaving home. The first time that I bit into a slice during this visit, I literally cried with happiness. I also was delighted that the weather was much nicer than it had been in Sioux Falls. I swapped snow for snocones, and was filled was joy.

Snocones are one of my top 25 joys in life.

Besides eating a tremendously unbalanced diet, the other highlight of this trip was, of course, filming. Kelly Payne was truly lovely, and I really hope to work with her again soon. The film that we did was challenging, though. I did it fully voluntarily, but it was very, very long (certainly the longest thing I've ever filmed without breaks) and had several things outside of my usual comfort zone. Thematically, it was about me being a prisoner in a women's prison, where I was being interrogated about who was sourcing me drugs that I was distributing. I obviously refused to give this information up, resulting in lots of wicked things needing to be done to me to get me to that point. When I eventually *did* break down and give up my source (a lovely model named Ashely Rose, who appears in the sequel) my tourment didn't stop, as the guards (played by Kelly and Miss Daisa) went on to punish me for having been so difficult in the first place, which hit every possible "terribly unfair!" button in my mind. The scene involved traditional spanking, flogging, caning and hairbrush spanking, all of which hurt quite a bit, although the hairbrush was by far the most difficult, as it was done at the very end. You know who thinks that a hairbrush over welts doesn't hurt? Nobody. :P

You can view promotional stills here. Be aware that these stills were taken during blocking, so that's why you can't see that anything bad has happened to me yet. :P

The film fell only partly into my new "Dark and horrible" category, as my character was a real bitch, so it didn't feel particularly victimizing. It did hit on another point that I've come to enjoy: resistance. I naturally don't resist when I'm being spanked, and if I do, it's minor. Why would I? I love being spanked, and the majority of my harder play has been in a submission oriented environment, where resistance isn't appropriate in the least. I've struggled with trying to resist less and less, with learning to be entirely passive, to try to keep myself still and relaxed thru challenging stuff. As I've expanded my horizons in terms of what types of scenes I enjoy, I've found that it's refreshing to me to do things that are drastically different than what I usually do. Being resistant, struggling, protesting, disobeying et cetera (in a film or a play situation where this is negotiated as acceptable) is sort of relieving. I don't have to try to be good. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry that if I work myself up too much, the scene will stop. That makes me feel both a sense of security and a sense of freedom, which is a nice mix.

After spending an enjoyable few days, I got on a bus to head down to Atlantic City on Wednesday night. I lived in Atlantic City when I was a teenager, and I spent a considerable portion of time there with my brother who passed away. I hadn't been back in many years. I had a lot of emotions when I was taking the bus down, as it was the same trip I often used to take with a sense of desperation, as I often returned to A.C. in my earlier days in order to run from something. It was invigorating that I was going there feeling safe, to see people that I deeply cared for and to have adventures.

When I arrived, I walked up the boardwalk to the hotel and got set up for the night. I was staying with Tomdiscp and _Morgan that evening, and it was already fairly late when I arrived. I was all gross from traveling, so I took a nice, long bath while I waited for room service to come and bring me dinner. I had an enjoyable meal after that, during which time I discovered that Richard Windsor was already at the party, so I figured it would be nice to get to socialize with him a bit before things took off and he got really busy. I went down to the bar to meet him, only to discover that Pandora was also already there. This was a most delightful combination of people, and lots of hugging ensued. Rich let me wear his hat, as he sometimes does, and then he did something which made me feel tremendously special: he left the bar for a minute to do something and left his hat with me. Richard is very protective of his hat, as it's something very precious to him, and it made me feel very trusted indeed that he would leave it with me, if only for a few minutes. It was wonderful to see Pandora again, as I missed her horribly since I had left her apartment in London about a month beforehand. We engaged in some of the time honored activity of "girls kissing in a bar," which lead to a bit of staring that didn't bother either of us. Then the bar closed, so the three of us joined a group of people going up to Mike Stien's room. I hadn't met Mike Stien before, but he was lovely, and I enjoyed chatting with him as well as the others. There was a lot of couch cuddling, which made me feel safe and delighted.

This is kind of a silly photo, but I feel that it carries a lot of affection :)

I was a very bad influence on poor Pandora, who had wanted to go to bed early to fix her sleep cycle a bit. I kept her up until the early morning, when she finally had the good sense to stop listening to me and get some sleep. Rich and I chatted a bit more after that, and I eventually returned to the room where I was staying and snuck in to get a bit of rest, as I had several very full days ahead of me. :)

I'll continue in another post very soon! In the meanwhile, I need to get back to my adventuring. ♥

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Fuzzy Party :D

A Wonderful Arrival

The Adventure Continues: Roleplaying

Part 3: Making it Real

A Good Morning and The Bear Story

The "Little Bitch" Saga

Video Blogging with Pandora and Nimue!

A Rocky Start

Spanked in Uniform Shoot: Day 1

Spanked in Uniform Shoot: Day 2

Derbyshire: Part 1

Derbyshire: Part 2

Derbyshire, Part 3 (and final!)

Care, Cake, Cats, Semantics, Spanking.

Shoot Report: Dreams of Spanking

Shoot Report: Nimue's World

The Camden Pancake Incident, More Filming and Alex Buys Too Much Stuff

"The Awful Stuff" and Goodbyes.

New York and BBW: Part 1